Sunday, April 29, 2012
Tuesday, March 13, 2012
Women in Islam
The primary sign of a virtuous woman is that she should fear Allah Ta’ala and love her husband. For a woman, obeying her husband is like engaging in worship. When the husband comes home tired after his daily engagements, the wife should welcome him with a smiling face. She should never behave with him with bad manners. She should not excuse herself from fulfilling the sexual desires of her husband as well. She should always think about serving her husband. She should meticulously guard her chastity and should never step out of the house without the express permission of her husband. She should treat the relatives of the husband with love and affection.
If by chance the husband commits any excess against her, she should be patient and should not complain before others. Every person will have some flaws or the other, they should be concealed. Although doing so hurts, the results are very pleasing.
A woman should not trouble her husband for fine clothes, jewelry and the like and make him resort to loans, etc. Whatever is her lot, she should be happy with it and thank Allah for it.
The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: The woman who offers the 5 daily Salaat, fasts in Ramadhan, does not blemish her chastity and accepts the obedience of the husband may unreservedly enter Jannah from any door that she wants to.
Anecdote: Hadhrat Umme Sulaim (May Allah be well pleased with her) was the wife of Hadhrat Abu Talha. She was an obedient wife, because of which Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with him) would also treat her with love and affection.
Once, Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with him) had gone out of the house and his only son passed away. Hadhrat Umme Sulaim (May Allah be well pleased with her) covered him with a cloth. When Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with her) came back, he asked about the son and she told him that the child had gone to sleep. After this, she served the food. Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with him) ate heartily and later slept with her.
The wife later told the husband that I had lent such and such a thing to a neighbor and when I asked for it, that neighbor raised a hue and cry. Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with him) said: This is utter foolishness. How foolish are those people who do this! She retorted: Our son who was given to us by Allah Ta’ala as a trust has been taken back by Him. Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with him) recited Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Raji‘oon.
The next morning, he related this to the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). He (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: Last night was a blessed night for you, which you got because of your virtuous wife.
Hadhrat Fatima (May Allah be well pleased with her) says: The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) was at my place when a servant girl came and said: O Prophet of Allah (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)! My master has gone out for trade and my mistress is alone in the house. She is in the upper portion of the house and in the lower portion, her old parents live. The husband has emphatically said that until he comes, she should not go downstairs. Her parents are very ill and there is no one to care for them. My mistress has said that if He (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) permits her, she can go downstairs.
The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: Tell your mistress that if she desires the pleasure of Allah and His Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), then even if her parents die, she should not dare to go downstairs.
The servant girl went away. She came back double speed and said: O Prophet of Allah (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)! My mistress’ father has already passed away. Her mother is also in the throes of death. Please grant permission now. My mistress is lying upstairs crying. She would also be deprived of seeing her parents for the last time.
The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: O girl! Listen carefully and remember! Unless and until her husband does not give her permission to go downstairs, no matter what happens, it is not permissible for your mistress to do so. Tell her to obey the Lord Almighty, His Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) and her husband. She will receive the reward of it.
The servant girl again went back.
Hadhrat Fatima (May Allah be well pleased with her) says: The servant girl returned after a week. I asked her about her mistress. She said: May I sacrifice myself for the Prophet of Allah (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)! Her mother and father passed away that day itself. Her husband returned after 2 days. He was very embarrassed and ashamed on hearing what had happened. He expressed his happiness on the obedience which my mistress had shown. The same day my mistress saw a dream and saw that her parents were in Jannah. She asked them: Your deeds in this world were not of the nature that you would enter Jannah, then what is this? They replied: Child! In lieu of the obedience that you had shown to your husband and Allah and His Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), Allah Ta’ala granted us this bounty.
Hadhrat Hatim Asamm (May Allah shower His mercy on him) says: A virtuous woman is a pillar of religion and the light of the house. She also helps her husband in obeying Allah Ta’ala.
A woman can make life hell for her husband by her nagging and mannerless ways and with her, this is only something worth joking about.
Hadhrat Ka’ab Ahbaar (May Allah be well pleased with him) says: To the person who is patient on indignities by a woman, Allah Ta’ala grants him reward similar to that of Hadhrat Ayyoob (May peace be upon him). The woman who remains patient on the excesses of her husband, she will be given reward like that of Hadhrat Aasiya (the wife of pharaoh)
The veil guards the modesty of a woman. By not using it and meeting and interacting freely with men, modesty is lessened and shameful incidents also occur. The eyes, the ears, the hands and the feet also participate in adultery. There is only solution for all this and that is the veil.
Nowadays because of the company of non-Muslim folks and their education, the tendency for indecency has increased among Muslims as well, as a result of which young girls go to cinema houses without any veil. They also suffer the consequences of this day in and day out. For the sake of Allah, be really careful about the veil.
The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) has emphasized using the veil even before those who are blind. The Fuqaha (jurists) are so cautious about this that (in light of the Holy Quran and the Hadith), they have ordered that even a young girl should use the veil even before her paternal/maternal uncle. Hadhrat Shah Abdul Qadir Dehlwi opines that using the veil before sinful women is also necessary. Thus, it is necessary to use the veil before them as well.
[Excerpted from Mawaaiz-e-Hasana of Hadhrat Muhaddith-e-Deccan, Vol. 1, Pg. No. 272-275]
--
By Abul Hasanath Islamic Research Center, Hyderabad, India.
If by chance the husband commits any excess against her, she should be patient and should not complain before others. Every person will have some flaws or the other, they should be concealed. Although doing so hurts, the results are very pleasing.
A woman should not trouble her husband for fine clothes, jewelry and the like and make him resort to loans, etc. Whatever is her lot, she should be happy with it and thank Allah for it.
The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: The woman who offers the 5 daily Salaat, fasts in Ramadhan, does not blemish her chastity and accepts the obedience of the husband may unreservedly enter Jannah from any door that she wants to.
Anecdote: Hadhrat Umme Sulaim (May Allah be well pleased with her) was the wife of Hadhrat Abu Talha. She was an obedient wife, because of which Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with him) would also treat her with love and affection.
Once, Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with him) had gone out of the house and his only son passed away. Hadhrat Umme Sulaim (May Allah be well pleased with her) covered him with a cloth. When Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with her) came back, he asked about the son and she told him that the child had gone to sleep. After this, she served the food. Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with him) ate heartily and later slept with her.
The wife later told the husband that I had lent such and such a thing to a neighbor and when I asked for it, that neighbor raised a hue and cry. Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with him) said: This is utter foolishness. How foolish are those people who do this! She retorted: Our son who was given to us by Allah Ta’ala as a trust has been taken back by Him. Hadhrat Abu Talha (May Allah be well pleased with him) recited Inna Lillahi Wa Inna Ilaihi Raji‘oon.
The next morning, he related this to the Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam). He (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: Last night was a blessed night for you, which you got because of your virtuous wife.
Hadhrat Fatima (May Allah be well pleased with her) says: The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) was at my place when a servant girl came and said: O Prophet of Allah (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)! My master has gone out for trade and my mistress is alone in the house. She is in the upper portion of the house and in the lower portion, her old parents live. The husband has emphatically said that until he comes, she should not go downstairs. Her parents are very ill and there is no one to care for them. My mistress has said that if He (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) permits her, she can go downstairs.
The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: Tell your mistress that if she desires the pleasure of Allah and His Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), then even if her parents die, she should not dare to go downstairs.
The servant girl went away. She came back double speed and said: O Prophet of Allah (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)! My mistress’ father has already passed away. Her mother is also in the throes of death. Please grant permission now. My mistress is lying upstairs crying. She would also be deprived of seeing her parents for the last time.
The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) said: O girl! Listen carefully and remember! Unless and until her husband does not give her permission to go downstairs, no matter what happens, it is not permissible for your mistress to do so. Tell her to obey the Lord Almighty, His Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) and her husband. She will receive the reward of it.
The servant girl again went back.
Hadhrat Fatima (May Allah be well pleased with her) says: The servant girl returned after a week. I asked her about her mistress. She said: May I sacrifice myself for the Prophet of Allah (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam)! Her mother and father passed away that day itself. Her husband returned after 2 days. He was very embarrassed and ashamed on hearing what had happened. He expressed his happiness on the obedience which my mistress had shown. The same day my mistress saw a dream and saw that her parents were in Jannah. She asked them: Your deeds in this world were not of the nature that you would enter Jannah, then what is this? They replied: Child! In lieu of the obedience that you had shown to your husband and Allah and His Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam), Allah Ta’ala granted us this bounty.
Hadhrat Hatim Asamm (May Allah shower His mercy on him) says: A virtuous woman is a pillar of religion and the light of the house. She also helps her husband in obeying Allah Ta’ala.
A woman can make life hell for her husband by her nagging and mannerless ways and with her, this is only something worth joking about.
Hadhrat Ka’ab Ahbaar (May Allah be well pleased with him) says: To the person who is patient on indignities by a woman, Allah Ta’ala grants him reward similar to that of Hadhrat Ayyoob (May peace be upon him). The woman who remains patient on the excesses of her husband, she will be given reward like that of Hadhrat Aasiya (the wife of pharaoh)
The veil guards the modesty of a woman. By not using it and meeting and interacting freely with men, modesty is lessened and shameful incidents also occur. The eyes, the ears, the hands and the feet also participate in adultery. There is only solution for all this and that is the veil.
Nowadays because of the company of non-Muslim folks and their education, the tendency for indecency has increased among Muslims as well, as a result of which young girls go to cinema houses without any veil. They also suffer the consequences of this day in and day out. For the sake of Allah, be really careful about the veil.
The Holy Prophet (Sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) has emphasized using the veil even before those who are blind. The Fuqaha (jurists) are so cautious about this that (in light of the Holy Quran and the Hadith), they have ordered that even a young girl should use the veil even before her paternal/maternal uncle. Hadhrat Shah Abdul Qadir Dehlwi opines that using the veil before sinful women is also necessary. Thus, it is necessary to use the veil before them as well.
[Excerpted from Mawaaiz-e-Hasana of Hadhrat Muhaddith-e-Deccan, Vol. 1, Pg. No. 272-275]
--
By Abul Hasanath Islamic Research Center, Hyderabad, India.
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Love and Intimacy for Muslims
by Umm Reem
Source: MuslimMatters.org
One day a sister dropped by to pick up something and saw me dressed up with make-up and jewelry, so she assumed I was going somewhere. When I told her I wasnt, the reason I dressed up surprised her.
I told her, “Because it is about time for my husband to return from work.”
She said, “You still get ready for your husband?”
“Yes, what do you mean “still”?!” I asked.
She said, “I used to do that in the beginning of the marriage and then I don’t it anymore.”
Unfortunately this is a common scenario among many Muslim married sisters. In fact, one of the most common complaints husbands have against their wives is that the wives dont beautify themselves at home.
I have personally observed many Muslim sisters stop taking care of themselves once they get married. Some married sisters only dress up when they go out and while others dont even bother with that. For some, abaya and hijab become a perfect “cover up” for outside the house and shalwar-kameez become the perfect lounge-wear for inside the house!
Reasons Why Sisters Dont Dress Up:
I cannot generalize the reasons why sisters stop taking interest in taking care of themselves at home, but I want to highlight 2 main points:
Once married to a practicing brother, sisters assume their knight in shining armor won’t be interested in their looks but, rather, in their imaan. They believe their beauty lies in their “piety.”
Husbands dont express their desire in seeing their wives dressed up. Or, when their wives dress up, they dont bother to compliment them, which confuses the wife into thinking, “He does not care.”
Beauty and Piety are Two Separate Characteristics:
Let’s remember, piety may add to a person’s inner beauty which may reflect through physical appearance; however, they both are independent characteristics.
There is no prohibition in looking good; in fact, to physically beautify oneself to please one’s husband and keep him happy is not only a praiseworthy act but also a means to earn reward from Allah azza wa jall.
When the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam was asked which woman was best, he replied, “The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command….” (Nasai)
Hence, sisters, please on a daily basis before your husband returns home:
Take a shower.
Change your clothes.
Wash your face with cleanser/scrub.
Put light make up on. Please dont use the excuse, “I dont know how to.”
Wear some jewelry.
Show some creativity with your hair. Remember frizzy hair can be taken care of with gel, mousse, hair spray, hair straightener etc.
Moreover, try to get a facial done once in a while. If you cant afford to, there are millions of products available at very reasonable prices for home facials/deep cleaning.
Dear sisters,
Abaya should not be used to cover up weight gain, and neither should the hijab keep frizzy/unkempt hair covered. I understand that shalwar-kameez are the most comfortable clothing but it needs to be changed before your husband get back home.
Husbands: Pay Attention & Don’t be Stingy with Words:
A wife desires attention from her husband. If she feels her husband appreciates her dressing up and taking care of herself, it will encourage her to take care of herself. Hence, husbands please:
Pay attention to your wife on a daily basis
Show interest in her looks, clothes and her overall appearance
Encourage her by buying her clothes you would like her to wear
When she is dressed up, make sure you praise her.
When she is not, remind her gently
http://muslimvillage.com/2011/11/29/love-and-intimacy-for-muslims/?utm_source=MV-mail&utm_medium=Email&utm_content=Subscriber%2319283&utm_campaign=Newsletter%2029th%20Nov%202011
Source: MuslimMatters.org
One day a sister dropped by to pick up something and saw me dressed up with make-up and jewelry, so she assumed I was going somewhere. When I told her I wasnt, the reason I dressed up surprised her.
I told her, “Because it is about time for my husband to return from work.”
She said, “You still get ready for your husband?”
“Yes, what do you mean “still”?!” I asked.
She said, “I used to do that in the beginning of the marriage and then I don’t it anymore.”
Unfortunately this is a common scenario among many Muslim married sisters. In fact, one of the most common complaints husbands have against their wives is that the wives dont beautify themselves at home.
I have personally observed many Muslim sisters stop taking care of themselves once they get married. Some married sisters only dress up when they go out and while others dont even bother with that. For some, abaya and hijab become a perfect “cover up” for outside the house and shalwar-kameez become the perfect lounge-wear for inside the house!
Reasons Why Sisters Dont Dress Up:
I cannot generalize the reasons why sisters stop taking interest in taking care of themselves at home, but I want to highlight 2 main points:
Once married to a practicing brother, sisters assume their knight in shining armor won’t be interested in their looks but, rather, in their imaan. They believe their beauty lies in their “piety.”
Husbands dont express their desire in seeing their wives dressed up. Or, when their wives dress up, they dont bother to compliment them, which confuses the wife into thinking, “He does not care.”
Beauty and Piety are Two Separate Characteristics:
Let’s remember, piety may add to a person’s inner beauty which may reflect through physical appearance; however, they both are independent characteristics.
There is no prohibition in looking good; in fact, to physically beautify oneself to please one’s husband and keep him happy is not only a praiseworthy act but also a means to earn reward from Allah azza wa jall.
When the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam was asked which woman was best, he replied, “The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command….” (Nasai)
Hence, sisters, please on a daily basis before your husband returns home:
Take a shower.
Change your clothes.
Wash your face with cleanser/scrub.
Put light make up on. Please dont use the excuse, “I dont know how to.”
Wear some jewelry.
Show some creativity with your hair. Remember frizzy hair can be taken care of with gel, mousse, hair spray, hair straightener etc.
Moreover, try to get a facial done once in a while. If you cant afford to, there are millions of products available at very reasonable prices for home facials/deep cleaning.
Dear sisters,
Abaya should not be used to cover up weight gain, and neither should the hijab keep frizzy/unkempt hair covered. I understand that shalwar-kameez are the most comfortable clothing but it needs to be changed before your husband get back home.
Husbands: Pay Attention & Don’t be Stingy with Words:
A wife desires attention from her husband. If she feels her husband appreciates her dressing up and taking care of herself, it will encourage her to take care of herself. Hence, husbands please:
Pay attention to your wife on a daily basis
Show interest in her looks, clothes and her overall appearance
Encourage her by buying her clothes you would like her to wear
When she is dressed up, make sure you praise her.
When she is not, remind her gently
http://muslimvillage.com/2011/11/29/love-and-intimacy-for-muslims/?utm_source=MV-mail&utm_medium=Email&utm_content=Subscriber%2319283&utm_campaign=Newsletter%2029th%20Nov%202011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
MOTHER vs MUSLIM MOTHER
Assalamualikum to all my beloved sisters and respected brothers. Here I would like to share a very serious issue where most mothers neglect. I am not pointing to anyone and I am not looking for any personal argument on my thread. As a mother and as a slave of Allah swt,I want to share this with all of us because soon or later we will be parents.
It is very sad to see how these days mother raising their kids. The are the best mother by the way-they give perfect shelter, the best food, the best cloths, the best education and everything is the best.
Well that is what every mother in this world do-give the best for their children. hats what my mother did to be by the way. So there is no difference between a Muslim mother and a non Muslim mother. That is the basic responsibility need to be done every mother and it is not something special but that is what we call responsibility. You plan to have children then you must raise them. It is in every culture and religion by the way.
But my topic today is about mother vs Muslim Mother.
As Muslim mothers, we have more responsibility towards our children. Besides giving them the basic needs, we should also prepare their soul in worshipping Allah.I always believe that children are gift from Allah yest they are not belong to us.We are just chosen to be the parents to raise them according to Allah's rules.
But these days Muslims mothers raise their kids according to their own rules. They are preparing their kids for dunya and not for Jannah.How can we say a child's Jannah is under the mother's feet when the mother herself doesn’t bother to care for her child's Jannah?
Let me put everything straight forward without beating around the bush.
A mother should raise her child by telling him about Tauhid.We talk about Tauhid to non muslims but what about our own child? He doesn't know who is Allah, what is Islam, what is Salah,what is Jannah and Jahanam.The mother should teach about this.
The religion education comes first before the western education.
No more A for Apple...
Now A for Allah
No matter how the best a mother could give to her in child dunya,but if her child doesn't pray or doesn't wear hijab...she has failed to be a mother.
Because she is responsible for the corrupted ummah.The ummah starts from home. Each child grows up and creates an ummah and nation.So who is responsible for this corrupted ummah?
Do not blame the television,
Do not blame the western countries,
Do no blame the internet,
Do not blame the music,
Do not blame the nude women,
Do not blame anyone...
But blame ourselves
If he had a strong iman since childhood, he wouldn't have been corrupted in his religion.
Iman is like the bricks used to build the building. If they are low quality, the building will collapse one day. If they are from strong quality InshaAllah will survive like the pyramids.
If a child does not pray, then it is the mother's fault because she doesn't care to advice him as long as he can get 100/100 in his exam.
If a girl do not wear hijab,then it is the mother's fault because she doesn't care to advice her as long as she looks beautiful and happy with the compliments given by the relatives.
We are not living in this world according to our rules. We live according to Allah's rules. So we have no rights to raise the children as we like but we MUST raise the children according to what He wants.
To all Muslim mothers,if you want to be in Jannah,and you want your children to be in Jannah,do what Allah has ordered you to do.
No more so called western style of raising children.
We just take the good things from them (non Muslims) and modified it and implement Islamic rules and raise the child according this way.
· No more bed time stories-prophets stories
· No more teaching Roman alphabets-begine with alif,ba,ta.. and not A,B,C...
· Teach Alif for Allah and not A for Apple
· No more music -but dzikir for Allah
· No more drawing living creatures-but draw the beauty of Islam
· No more talking craps with friends at school -but teach how to do dawah and how to talk about Islam
· No more Barney or Sesame Street-but Huda channel or Iqro Channel
· No more” I love you,you love me(Barney song)- but “Give thanx to Allah”(by Zain Bhikha
Disbelievers do not follow our way, so why do we follow theirs?
Don't we have our own mind and own way of raising the children?
Think about it for a moment...!
by: Islamic Reflections
It is very sad to see how these days mother raising their kids. The are the best mother by the way-they give perfect shelter, the best food, the best cloths, the best education and everything is the best.
Well that is what every mother in this world do-give the best for their children. hats what my mother did to be by the way. So there is no difference between a Muslim mother and a non Muslim mother. That is the basic responsibility need to be done every mother and it is not something special but that is what we call responsibility. You plan to have children then you must raise them. It is in every culture and religion by the way.
But my topic today is about mother vs Muslim Mother.
As Muslim mothers, we have more responsibility towards our children. Besides giving them the basic needs, we should also prepare their soul in worshipping Allah.I always believe that children are gift from Allah yest they are not belong to us.We are just chosen to be the parents to raise them according to Allah's rules.
But these days Muslims mothers raise their kids according to their own rules. They are preparing their kids for dunya and not for Jannah.How can we say a child's Jannah is under the mother's feet when the mother herself doesn’t bother to care for her child's Jannah?
Let me put everything straight forward without beating around the bush.
A mother should raise her child by telling him about Tauhid.We talk about Tauhid to non muslims but what about our own child? He doesn't know who is Allah, what is Islam, what is Salah,what is Jannah and Jahanam.The mother should teach about this.
The religion education comes first before the western education.
No more A for Apple...
Now A for Allah
No matter how the best a mother could give to her in child dunya,but if her child doesn't pray or doesn't wear hijab...she has failed to be a mother.
Because she is responsible for the corrupted ummah.The ummah starts from home. Each child grows up and creates an ummah and nation.So who is responsible for this corrupted ummah?
Do not blame the television,
Do not blame the western countries,
Do no blame the internet,
Do not blame the music,
Do not blame the nude women,
Do not blame anyone...
But blame ourselves
If he had a strong iman since childhood, he wouldn't have been corrupted in his religion.
Iman is like the bricks used to build the building. If they are low quality, the building will collapse one day. If they are from strong quality InshaAllah will survive like the pyramids.
If a child does not pray, then it is the mother's fault because she doesn't care to advice him as long as he can get 100/100 in his exam.
If a girl do not wear hijab,then it is the mother's fault because she doesn't care to advice her as long as she looks beautiful and happy with the compliments given by the relatives.
We are not living in this world according to our rules. We live according to Allah's rules. So we have no rights to raise the children as we like but we MUST raise the children according to what He wants.
To all Muslim mothers,if you want to be in Jannah,and you want your children to be in Jannah,do what Allah has ordered you to do.
No more so called western style of raising children.
We just take the good things from them (non Muslims) and modified it and implement Islamic rules and raise the child according this way.
· No more bed time stories-prophets stories
· No more teaching Roman alphabets-begine with alif,ba,ta.. and not A,B,C...
· Teach Alif for Allah and not A for Apple
· No more music -but dzikir for Allah
· No more drawing living creatures-but draw the beauty of Islam
· No more talking craps with friends at school -but teach how to do dawah and how to talk about Islam
· No more Barney or Sesame Street-but Huda channel or Iqro Channel
· No more” I love you,you love me(Barney song)- but “Give thanx to Allah”(by Zain Bhikha
Disbelievers do not follow our way, so why do we follow theirs?
Don't we have our own mind and own way of raising the children?
Think about it for a moment...!
by: Islamic Reflections
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Choosing A Good Husband
One of the ways in which Islam has honoured woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her father's wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone she dislikes.
There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa' bint Khidam:
"My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah . He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.' I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.' He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.' I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter's matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).'"
At first, the Prophet told al-Khansa' to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters' well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of `Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behaviour, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet said: "Will you give his garden back to him?" - her mahr had been a garden. She said, "Yes." So the Messenger of Allah sent word to him: "Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce."3
According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn `Abbas, she said, "I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behaviour, but I do not like him."
Islam has protected woman's pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not like. There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah, an Ethiopian slave-girl who belonged to `Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to marry another slave whose name was Mughith. She would never have accepted him as a husband if she had been in control of her own affairs. `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) took pity on her, so she bought her and set her free. Then this young woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs, and that she could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce. Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Al-Bukhaari quotes Ibn `Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her marriage to someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet commented on this moving sight, and sought to intervene.
Ibn `Abbas said:
"Barirah's husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him, running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet said to `Abbas, `O `Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how much Barirah hates Mughith?' The Prophet said (to Barirah), `Why do you not go back to him?' She said, `O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me to do so?' He said, `I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.' She said, `I have no need of him.'"
The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society:
"If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah anmischief will become widespread on earth."
Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to stupid "play-boy" types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behaviour is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has said:
Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . (Qur'aan 24:26)
This does not mean that the Muslim woman should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is her right - as stated above - to marry a man for whom her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to her both in his appearance and in his conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim woman is never dazzled by outward appearances, and she never lets them distract her from seeing the essence of a potential spouse. The Muslim woman knows that the man has the right of qiwamah over her, as the Qur'aan says:
( Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .) (Qur'aan 4:34)
Hence she wants to marry a man of whose qiwamah over her she will feel proud, one whom she will be happy to marry and never regret it. She wants a man who will take her hand in his and set out to fulfil their life's mission of establishing a Muslim family and raising a new generation of intelligent and caring children, in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will not be impeded by conflicting attitudes or religious differences. Believing men and believing women are supposed to walk side-by-side on the journey of life, which is a serious matter for the believer, so that they may fulfil the great mission with which Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has entrusted mankind, men and women alike, as the Qur'aan says:
( For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise - for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur'aan 33:35)
In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place.
Among the great Muslim women who are known for their strength of character, lofty aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who was one of the first Ansar women to embrace Islam. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar, and bore him a son, Anas. When she embraced Islam, her husband Malik was angry with her, and left her, but she persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his death, and she was still in the flower of her youth. She bore it all with the hope of reward, for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and devoted herself to taking care of her ten-year-old son Anas. She took him to the Prophet , so that he could serve him (and learn from him).
One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best-looking, richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah - before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Yathrib liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu so-and-so." He said, "Of course." She said, "Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of Banu so-and-so?" Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: "O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr), and I would ask you for nothing more."
He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistance and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by the carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn." Her words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, Does the Lord burn? Then he uttered the words: "Ashhadu an la ilaha ill-Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah."
Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, "O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah." So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized.
Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym's disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, "O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and I will not take any other dowry." She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this world, as she had heard the Prophet say:
"If Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) were to guide one person to Islam through you, it is better for you than owning red camels."
Such great Muslim women are examples worthy of emulation, from whom Muslim women may learn purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom in choosing a husband.
There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa' bint Khidam:
"My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah . He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.' I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.' He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.' I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter's matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).'"
At first, the Prophet told al-Khansa' to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters' well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of `Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behaviour, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet said: "Will you give his garden back to him?" - her mahr had been a garden. She said, "Yes." So the Messenger of Allah sent word to him: "Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce."3
According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn `Abbas, she said, "I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behaviour, but I do not like him."
Islam has protected woman's pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not like. There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah, an Ethiopian slave-girl who belonged to `Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to marry another slave whose name was Mughith. She would never have accepted him as a husband if she had been in control of her own affairs. `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) took pity on her, so she bought her and set her free. Then this young woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs, and that she could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce. Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Al-Bukhaari quotes Ibn `Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her marriage to someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet commented on this moving sight, and sought to intervene.
Ibn `Abbas said:
"Barirah's husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him, running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet said to `Abbas, `O `Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how much Barirah hates Mughith?' The Prophet said (to Barirah), `Why do you not go back to him?' She said, `O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me to do so?' He said, `I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.' She said, `I have no need of him.'"
The Prophet was deeply moved by this display of human emotion: deep and overwhelming love on the part of the husband, and equally powerful hatred on the part of the wife. He could not help but remind the wife, and ask her why she did not go back to him, as he was her husband and the father of her child. This believing woman asked him, whether he was ordering her to do so: was this a command, a binding obligation? The Prophet , this great law-giver and educator, replied that he was merely trying to intercede and bring about reconciliation if possible; he was not trying to force anybody to do something they did not wish to. Let those stubborn, hard-hearted fathers who oppress their own daughters listen to the teaching of the Prophet !
The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society:
"If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah anmischief will become widespread on earth."
Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to stupid "play-boy" types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behaviour is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has said:
Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . (Qur'aan 24:26)
This does not mean that the Muslim woman should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is her right - as stated above - to marry a man for whom her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to her both in his appearance and in his conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim woman is never dazzled by outward appearances, and she never lets them distract her from seeing the essence of a potential spouse. The Muslim woman knows that the man has the right of qiwamah over her, as the Qur'aan says:
( Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .) (Qur'aan 4:34)
Hence she wants to marry a man of whose qiwamah over her she will feel proud, one whom she will be happy to marry and never regret it. She wants a man who will take her hand in his and set out to fulfil their life's mission of establishing a Muslim family and raising a new generation of intelligent and caring children, in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will not be impeded by conflicting attitudes or religious differences. Believing men and believing women are supposed to walk side-by-side on the journey of life, which is a serious matter for the believer, so that they may fulfil the great mission with which Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has entrusted mankind, men and women alike, as the Qur'aan says:
( For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise - for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur'aan 33:35)
In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place.
Among the great Muslim women who are known for their strength of character, lofty aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who was one of the first Ansar women to embrace Islam. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar, and bore him a son, Anas. When she embraced Islam, her husband Malik was angry with her, and left her, but she persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his death, and she was still in the flower of her youth. She bore it all with the hope of reward, for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and devoted herself to taking care of her ten-year-old son Anas. She took him to the Prophet , so that he could serve him (and learn from him).
One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best-looking, richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah - before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Yathrib liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu so-and-so." He said, "Of course." She said, "Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of Banu so-and-so?" Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: "O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr), and I would ask you for nothing more."
He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistance and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by the carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn." Her words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, Does the Lord burn? Then he uttered the words: "Ashhadu an la ilaha ill-Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah."
Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, "O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah." So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized.
Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym's disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, "O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and I will not take any other dowry." She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this world, as she had heard the Prophet say:
"If Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) were to guide one person to Islam through you, it is better for you than owning red camels."
Such great Muslim women are examples worthy of emulation, from whom Muslim women may learn purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom in choosing a husband.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Preparing to enter Ramadhan
Praise be to Allaah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
Dear readers, very few days, [Insha Allah by August 1st of this year}, are left for us to enter into Ramadhaan.
01. Buy all necessities for the month of Ramadan before Ramadan so you can spend less time during the holy month rushing around. You can be more focused on your religious rituals and spiritual development. Everyone in the family, even the kids, can participate, writing a shopping list, preparing some meals to be stored in the freezer.
02. If you have gotten into bad sleeping habits throughout the year, start readjusting now so you can wake up for Fajr prayer.
03. Sunnah fasts of Shaaban (the month before Ramadan) help to prepare for Ramadan and help to make the transition into the holy month a smooth one.
04. Reduce TV watching and prepare the family for the new spirit of Ramadan. Engage with your kids more and more in creative activities that remind them of Ramadan. (Suggested activities including reading the moral story books in group).
05. Organize your tape/CD collection to make it easy to select and to play nice nasheed (Hamd/Naat) to sing along together or Quran and Dua recitation, so as to introduce the spirit of the month gradually.
06. Plan ahead for the time you are spend at home in order not to lose the balance between your responsibility as a parent to supervise the children's studies and your engagement in religious practices such as reading Quran and praying Salat.
07. Plan ahead if your daughter needs a hijab to accompany you to the mosque. If possible, get shoes for the kids that are easy to tie when they leave the mosque. Do you or the kids need prayer rugs for prayer? Plan transportation to the mosque and back home.
08. Prepare as much cooking as you can before Ramadan. Here are some time-saving tips:
Prepare some vegetables and store them in the freezer to have them ready when needed.
If you soak dates in milk or water and eat them for Iftar, pit the dates before Ramadan.
Chop onions, garlic and store them in the freezer to have them ready when cooking during Ramadan.
09. If you are planning to invite guests for Iftar, the best time to do that is during your monthly period (menstruation). This has several advantages:
1. You will be able to taste the food that is going to be served.
2. You won't be engaged in some acts of worship so you'll have more time for cooking.
3. You won't have guilt feelings for staying after 'Isha' with the guests and not going to the mosque.
10. Prepare your kids before Ramadan that they have to help you more in housework and in setting the table and preparing the Iftar. Relate their action with the notion of Sadaqah and good deeds. Remind them that the reward of their good deeds is multiplied during Ramadan.
Adopted from islamonline.net with slight modifications.
Dear readers, very few days, [Insha Allah by August 1st of this year}, are left for us to enter into Ramadhaan.
01. Buy all necessities for the month of Ramadan before Ramadan so you can spend less time during the holy month rushing around. You can be more focused on your religious rituals and spiritual development. Everyone in the family, even the kids, can participate, writing a shopping list, preparing some meals to be stored in the freezer.
02. If you have gotten into bad sleeping habits throughout the year, start readjusting now so you can wake up for Fajr prayer.
03. Sunnah fasts of Shaaban (the month before Ramadan) help to prepare for Ramadan and help to make the transition into the holy month a smooth one.
04. Reduce TV watching and prepare the family for the new spirit of Ramadan. Engage with your kids more and more in creative activities that remind them of Ramadan. (Suggested activities including reading the moral story books in group).
05. Organize your tape/CD collection to make it easy to select and to play nice nasheed (Hamd/Naat) to sing along together or Quran and Dua recitation, so as to introduce the spirit of the month gradually.
06. Plan ahead for the time you are spend at home in order not to lose the balance between your responsibility as a parent to supervise the children's studies and your engagement in religious practices such as reading Quran and praying Salat.
07. Plan ahead if your daughter needs a hijab to accompany you to the mosque. If possible, get shoes for the kids that are easy to tie when they leave the mosque. Do you or the kids need prayer rugs for prayer? Plan transportation to the mosque and back home.
08. Prepare as much cooking as you can before Ramadan. Here are some time-saving tips:
Prepare some vegetables and store them in the freezer to have them ready when needed.
If you soak dates in milk or water and eat them for Iftar, pit the dates before Ramadan.
Chop onions, garlic and store them in the freezer to have them ready when cooking during Ramadan.
09. If you are planning to invite guests for Iftar, the best time to do that is during your monthly period (menstruation). This has several advantages:
1. You will be able to taste the food that is going to be served.
2. You won't be engaged in some acts of worship so you'll have more time for cooking.
3. You won't have guilt feelings for staying after 'Isha' with the guests and not going to the mosque.
10. Prepare your kids before Ramadan that they have to help you more in housework and in setting the table and preparing the Iftar. Relate their action with the notion of Sadaqah and good deeds. Remind them that the reward of their good deeds is multiplied during Ramadan.
Adopted from islamonline.net with slight modifications.
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