1. Make her feel secure; (sakina- tranquillity) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE
2. When you go home say 'Assalmualikum. ' (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!
3. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that’s fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.
4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it’s a type of slandering.
5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED
6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.
7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!
8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!
9. Don’t be rigid. It will break you. Prophet Mohammed - Sallal lahu Aleihi Wasallam (SAW means “May the blessings and the peace of Allah be upon him” (Muhammad).) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife'. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.
10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER
11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said 'When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves'.
12. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) called Aisha 'ya Aish' as an endearment.
13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.
14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!
15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakh in your marriage.
16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.
17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.
18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.
19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.
20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said gifts increases love.
21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!
22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.
23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practise of Ali (RA). It’s like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!
24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.
25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.
26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.
27. Don't put your friends above your wife.
28. Help your wife at home. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.
29. Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.
30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.
31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.
32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).
33. Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It’s also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt)
34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.
35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) taught us this. It’s a blessing. The food doesn’t just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.
36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shitaan.
37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.
38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn't like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.
39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) 'if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.' It confirms prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.
40. Respect her thinking. It’s strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.
41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.
42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.
43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).
44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.
45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.
46. Let her know you are travelling. Don't tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.
47. Don't leave the house as soon as trouble brews.
48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.
49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Respect to a girl-child
As Salamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
Here's an extract from an article by NIKHAT MOHAMMAD RASHID SHAIKH
In an era of post-modernism where gender equality is promoted in every sphere of life the plight of the girl child remains similar to that which had been prevalent in non-civilised communities. Today female foeticide is a major problem while the right to life is the most fundamental of human rights. Pre-Islamic Arabian society had a common practice of female infanticide.
The solution given to such an acute problem in the Arabian society was by according respect to the girl child. Her status was elevated.
There are numerous Hadiths (sayings of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him) which describe that several companions before embracing Islam had themselves indulged into this crime. The Holy Qur’ân has warned of a grave consequence in the hereafter when the girl-child who was buried alive will be given a chance to speak for herself. It has also shown a tendency of abhorrence at the mere feeling of sadness at the birth of a female child though the custom of female infanticide had acquired social acceptance in certain Arabian society. The Holy Qur’ân condemned it like any other murder. It says in Surah al-Takweer (81:8-9): ‘When the female (infant) buried alive is questioned for what crime she was killed?’
Further the Holy Qur’ân criticises in a more severe tone the parents who reject the girl child.
It says in Surah al-Nahl, 16:58-59:
‘When news is brought to one of them of (the birth of) a female (child), his face darkens, and he is filled with inward grief. With shame dies he hide himself from his people because of the bad news he has had! Shall he retain it on (sufferance and) contempt, or bury it in the dust? Ah! What an evil (choice) they decide on?’
The importance of ‘values’ in influencing human behaviour and actions is universally acknowledged. Islam worked out such ‘values’ with respect to girl child as could motivate a believer to respect and honour girl child. For instance, the Prophet once said: ‘Girls are models of affection and sympathy and a blessing to the family. If a person has a daughter, God will screen him from the fire of the hell owing to his daughter; if he has two daughters, God will admit him to Paradise; if he has three, God will exempt him from the obligations of charity and jihad.’ Such sayings are numerous and practically give all the due rights to a girl child. At places the Prophet (peace be upon him) instructed companions: ‘Do not hate girls, they are comforter and much precious.’ The Prophet’s example of his kind and loving treatment with his own daughters remains a model for Muslim fathers. His love and care for the girl child could be seen with his behaviour towards Umamah, his daughter Zainab’s daughter. It is reported: ‘The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to perform the prayer while carrying Umamah. When he stood up, he took her up and when he prostrated he put her down.’ Moreover, his treatment of other children was also of love, concern and care. It is reported that once he was sleeping covering his face in the house of Aishah. It was the day of Eid and young girls were singing. Abu Bakr came into the house and told the girls to stop. Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: ‘Let them sing, it is the day of Eid for them.’ His loving gesture towards the girl child could be traced from the incidence when he was entering the town of Madinah, after emigrating from Makkah. Some girls of the Ansar were singing with joy in front of their houses. When he passed by, he said: ‘O girls! You love me.’ All said: ‘Yes, O God’s Messenger.’ Then he said: ‘I love you also.’ So also is the incidence with one of the companions, Khalid bin Saeed. One day he came to him with his little daughter, Hasna, who was wearing a red dress. The Prophet said, ‘Sana!’ She was born in Abyssinia and in their language, Hasna was called Sana, and he called her Sana in that context. He had a seal of Prophethood at his back and it looked like a lump. She began to play with it so Khalid told her off but Muhammad (peace be upon him) stopped him and let her play.
Islam raised the status of the girl child by providing her with the right to life and further, the right to education, care and support on equal footings with boys. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has equated the good treatment with the girl child with safety from Hell. He said: ‘If a daughter is born to a person and he brings her up, gives her a good education and trains her in the arts of life, I shall myself stand between him and hellfire.’ And that, ‘whosoever supports two daughters till they mature, he and I will come in the day of judgement as this. (he pointed with his two fingers).’
The Prophet’s counsel to his followers and his own model of behaviour towards the girl child carry its relevance today. Values such as these promoted by the Holy Qur’ân and Sunnah will help solve the problems faced by the girl child. In today’s society of materialistic, capitalistic, hedonistic mindset, it is only through such values that a revolution can be brought and the girl child can receive her fair share of dignity, respect and rights.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Being with your mother
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie.
She said, “I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would Love to spend some time with you.”
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my Mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
“What’s wrong, are you well?” she asked.
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
“I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,” I responded. “Just the two of us.”
She thought about it for a moment and then said, “I would like that very much.”
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up, I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s.
“I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son and they were impressed,”
she said, as she got into the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.”
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half-way through the entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mother sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.
“It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,” she said.
“Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,” I responded.
During the dinner , we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.”
I agreed.
“How was your dinner date?” asked my wife when I got home.
“Very nice, much more so than I could have imagined,” I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her.
Sometime later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place Mother and I had dined.
An attached note said:
“I paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.”
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: ‘I love YOU’ and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.
Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till some “other” time.
She said, “I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would Love to spend some time with you.”
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my Mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
“What’s wrong, are you well?” she asked.
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
“I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,” I responded. “Just the two of us.”
She thought about it for a moment and then said, “I would like that very much.”
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up, I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s.
“I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son and they were impressed,”
she said, as she got into the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.”
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half-way through the entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mother sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.
“It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,” she said.
“Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,” I responded.
During the dinner , we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.”
I agreed.
“How was your dinner date?” asked my wife when I got home.
“Very nice, much more so than I could have imagined,” I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her.
Sometime later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place Mother and I had dined.
An attached note said:
“I paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.”
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: ‘I love YOU’ and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.
Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till some “other” time.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Balancing between wife and sisters
Question:-
My sisters do not like my wife and are always causing problems. Please advise me: should I cut off ties with my sisters or with my wife?.
Believers, men & women, are protector of one another. (9:71)
Answer:-
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has enjoined upholding of family ties and kind treatment of one's wife. We will never tell you to sever your ties with your sisters or with your wife. Rather we tell you: bring them together and do not make the division worse.
Love comes from Allaah. He has created causes of love and causes of hate. So you have to look at your relationships and seek out the causes of hate and enmity so that you can remove them. And you should try to bring in the causes of love so as to encourage it. These causes include: greeting with salaam, giving gifts, visiting people when they are sick, helping at times of need, and many other things which Islam tells us strengthen bonds and generate love among people.
In order to calm both sides down, you also have to remind each of them of Allaah and His warning against gossiping, insulting, slandering and interfering in people’s private affairs.
Adhering to the limits set by Allaah and giving each party their rights, and respecting the rights of the other party and not belittling them or annoying them, will also guarantee happiness and peace in the house and in your relationships.
You have to advise your wife and your siblings to treat one another well, and try to remove the problems and disputes that exist between them. If your wife and siblings are living in the same house, there is nothing wrong with you giving your wife her own accommodation, if you cannot reconcile between them. Indeed, this may be a means of removing the disputes between them.
Our advice to your wife is that she should be friendly towards her husband’s family and treat them kindly as much as she can, without doing anything that is forbidden according to sharee’ah. Respecting her husband’s family will make the relationship between her and her husband remain as good as it can be.
May Allaah help you all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. May He guide you to the best of words and deeds and attitudes.
And Allaah knows best.
My sisters do not like my wife and are always causing problems. Please advise me: should I cut off ties with my sisters or with my wife?.
Believers, men & women, are protector of one another. (9:71)
Answer:-
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has enjoined upholding of family ties and kind treatment of one's wife. We will never tell you to sever your ties with your sisters or with your wife. Rather we tell you: bring them together and do not make the division worse.
Love comes from Allaah. He has created causes of love and causes of hate. So you have to look at your relationships and seek out the causes of hate and enmity so that you can remove them. And you should try to bring in the causes of love so as to encourage it. These causes include: greeting with salaam, giving gifts, visiting people when they are sick, helping at times of need, and many other things which Islam tells us strengthen bonds and generate love among people.
In order to calm both sides down, you also have to remind each of them of Allaah and His warning against gossiping, insulting, slandering and interfering in people’s private affairs.
Adhering to the limits set by Allaah and giving each party their rights, and respecting the rights of the other party and not belittling them or annoying them, will also guarantee happiness and peace in the house and in your relationships.
You have to advise your wife and your siblings to treat one another well, and try to remove the problems and disputes that exist between them. If your wife and siblings are living in the same house, there is nothing wrong with you giving your wife her own accommodation, if you cannot reconcile between them. Indeed, this may be a means of removing the disputes between them.
Our advice to your wife is that she should be friendly towards her husband’s family and treat them kindly as much as she can, without doing anything that is forbidden according to sharee’ah. Respecting her husband’s family will make the relationship between her and her husband remain as good as it can be.
May Allaah help you all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. May He guide you to the best of words and deeds and attitudes.
And Allaah knows best.
Monday, November 1, 2010
To what extent can the husband’s relatives interfere in his wife’s life
What are the rights of the in-laws (the husband’s brothers and sisters) in Islam? Do the father- and mother-in-law have the right of obedience? Do they have the right to enter my room with or without permission? To what extent should I obey them with regard to my clothing, cooking, childcare, keeping house and going out of the house? Do they have the right to interfere in our marital life? Do they have any rights with regard to our work, where we live, education and the like? Do I have to ask their permission to visit my family? Do they have the right to know all the details about our life? Do I have to obey them and shake hands with my husband’s relatives? Do my husband and I have to attend weddings in which there are haraam things?.
Praise be to Allaah.
The wife does not have to obey anyone among her in-laws, whether that is her husband’s father, mother, brothers or sisters, in any matter, major or minor, unless they tell her to do something which is obligatory according to Islam, or forbid her to do something that is haraam. In such matters she has to obey, whether that comes from a relative or a stranger, an in-law or anyone else.
With regard to the husband, she must obey him in matters that are right and proper, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means…”
[al-Nisa’ 4:34]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, discussing some of the husband’s rights over his wife:
Allaah has given the husband rights and commanded the wife to obey him; He has forbidden her to disobey him because of the fact that he excels her and maintains her. Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/493
It is not permissible for any of your in-laws to enter your room without your permission, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them; that is better for you, in order that you may remember”
[al-Noor 24:27]
If any of them enters your room with your permission but he is not one of your mahrams – such as your husband’s brother – then there has to be one of your mahrams present, so that there will be no haraam khulwah between you (i.e., being alone together). You must also observe full shar’i hijab, and be certain that there is no risk of falling into fitnah (temptation).
Despite all these conditions, it is still better for him not to enter upon you in your room; this is purer for the heart and farthest removed from suspicion. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts”
[al-Ahzaab 33:53]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said, “What about the in-law, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “The in-law is death.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5232; Muslim, 2172.
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to the Prophet’s words “The in-law is death,” what this means is that there is more fear with regard to him than anyone else, and evil is to be expected of him, and the fitnah (temptation) is greater because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without anyone denouncing that, unlike the case of one who is a stranger. What is meant by “in-law” (hamu) here is the relatives of the husband apart from his father/grandfather and sons/grandsons. Fathers/grandfathers and sons/grandsons are mahrams for his wife and it is permissible for them to be alone with her. The word “death” here does not refer to them. Rather what is meant is the brother, brother’s son, paternal uncle, cousin, etc, who are not mahrams. People are usually careless about this matter and a man may let his wife be alone with his brother. This is what is referred to by “death” and should be prevented more than her being alone with a stranger for the reasons mentioned above.
They do not have the right to force you to do any of the things you mention, such as how to cook, how to dress or other things such as working and teaching etc, unless that is by way of advice and kind treatment, not by way of compulsion.
It is not permissible for them to interfere in your and your husband’s private affairs, but if they convince your husband not to go out on trips and he tells you to stay in the house, then obey your husband, and be patient and seek reward.
You do not have to ask permission from any of them to visit your family; that is not their right. You have to ask your husband’s permission, and if he gives you permission then you do not have to ask permission from any of them.
They do not have the right to know the details of your life (you and your husband), and it is not permissible for your husband to tell them of any private or intimate matters between the two of you.
Your husband has to honour his parents, and you should help him in that. You should not be the cause of a split between him and them. You will see the consequences of that in your children in sha Allah.
Your husband’s visits to his parents should be on the basis of need. Something may happen to his parents which requires their son to visit them a great deal, such as sickness and the like. You husband has to pay attention to that.
With regard to your serving them and doing housework, you are not obliged to do that, but if you do it as an act of kindness towards them, or to please your husband, that will be good and you will have the reward for that in sha Allaah. This is something that will raise your status in the eyes of your husband and his family in this world, and will raise you in status in the Hereafter too, in sha Allah.
With regard to your living separately, your husband has to ensure that you have a place where you can live separately, but there is nothing wrong with his parents living in the same place with you if the house is big enough, and if that will not cause you any harm.
With regard to your life being under scrutiny, his parents have no right to dominate your life. Try to communicate in a proper manner with your husband and reach an understanding. If he can resolve the matter, all well and good, otherwise there is nothing wrong with you speaking to his family in a wise and mature manner. If they do not respond and the situation continues as it is, then be patient and seek reward from Allaah.
With regard to your shaking hands with men who are not your mahrams, this is haraam. There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. For more information on the ruling on shaking hands with a non-mahram, see question no. 21183.
It is not permissible for your husband to go to wedding parties in which there is noise and sin. For more information see question no. 10957.
Finally…
Our advice to husbands is that they should honour their parents with regard to that which is right and proper, but they should not obey them if they transgress the limits set by Allaah, or help them in wrongdoing, which includes mistreating their sons’ wives. They should discuss with them in a way that is better and not prevent them from obeying Allaah. They should be strong in adhering to the truth and confront those who stand in the way of their implementing the laws of Allaah in their homes, because the Muslim does not acknowledge any authority over him except the Qur’aan and Sunnah. They should also beware of those who call them to commit sin.
If the husband thinks that the interests of sharee’ah dictate that he should keep his wife and his family apart, then there is nothing wrong with him doing that.
We should be tolerant and be patient with one another, and we should not forget to be kind to one another. We should speak to one another in kindness and be patient, and ward off evil with that which is better. We should speak well to the slaves of Allaah until we meet Allaah.
Allaah is the One Whom we ask to set all our affairs straight. May Allaah send blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad
Source : http://islamqa.com/en/ref/6388
Praise be to Allaah.
The wife does not have to obey anyone among her in-laws, whether that is her husband’s father, mother, brothers or sisters, in any matter, major or minor, unless they tell her to do something which is obligatory according to Islam, or forbid her to do something that is haraam. In such matters she has to obey, whether that comes from a relative or a stranger, an in-law or anyone else.
With regard to the husband, she must obey him in matters that are right and proper, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means…”
[al-Nisa’ 4:34]
Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, discussing some of the husband’s rights over his wife:
Allaah has given the husband rights and commanded the wife to obey him; He has forbidden her to disobey him because of the fact that he excels her and maintains her. Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/493
It is not permissible for any of your in-laws to enter your room without your permission, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them; that is better for you, in order that you may remember”
[al-Noor 24:27]
If any of them enters your room with your permission but he is not one of your mahrams – such as your husband’s brother – then there has to be one of your mahrams present, so that there will be no haraam khulwah between you (i.e., being alone together). You must also observe full shar’i hijab, and be certain that there is no risk of falling into fitnah (temptation).
Despite all these conditions, it is still better for him not to enter upon you in your room; this is purer for the heart and farthest removed from suspicion. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts”
[al-Ahzaab 33:53]
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said, “What about the in-law, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “The in-law is death.”
Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5232; Muslim, 2172.
Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:
With regard to the Prophet’s words “The in-law is death,” what this means is that there is more fear with regard to him than anyone else, and evil is to be expected of him, and the fitnah (temptation) is greater because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without anyone denouncing that, unlike the case of one who is a stranger. What is meant by “in-law” (hamu) here is the relatives of the husband apart from his father/grandfather and sons/grandsons. Fathers/grandfathers and sons/grandsons are mahrams for his wife and it is permissible for them to be alone with her. The word “death” here does not refer to them. Rather what is meant is the brother, brother’s son, paternal uncle, cousin, etc, who are not mahrams. People are usually careless about this matter and a man may let his wife be alone with his brother. This is what is referred to by “death” and should be prevented more than her being alone with a stranger for the reasons mentioned above.
They do not have the right to force you to do any of the things you mention, such as how to cook, how to dress or other things such as working and teaching etc, unless that is by way of advice and kind treatment, not by way of compulsion.
It is not permissible for them to interfere in your and your husband’s private affairs, but if they convince your husband not to go out on trips and he tells you to stay in the house, then obey your husband, and be patient and seek reward.
You do not have to ask permission from any of them to visit your family; that is not their right. You have to ask your husband’s permission, and if he gives you permission then you do not have to ask permission from any of them.
They do not have the right to know the details of your life (you and your husband), and it is not permissible for your husband to tell them of any private or intimate matters between the two of you.
Your husband has to honour his parents, and you should help him in that. You should not be the cause of a split between him and them. You will see the consequences of that in your children in sha Allah.
Your husband’s visits to his parents should be on the basis of need. Something may happen to his parents which requires their son to visit them a great deal, such as sickness and the like. You husband has to pay attention to that.
With regard to your serving them and doing housework, you are not obliged to do that, but if you do it as an act of kindness towards them, or to please your husband, that will be good and you will have the reward for that in sha Allaah. This is something that will raise your status in the eyes of your husband and his family in this world, and will raise you in status in the Hereafter too, in sha Allah.
With regard to your living separately, your husband has to ensure that you have a place where you can live separately, but there is nothing wrong with his parents living in the same place with you if the house is big enough, and if that will not cause you any harm.
With regard to your life being under scrutiny, his parents have no right to dominate your life. Try to communicate in a proper manner with your husband and reach an understanding. If he can resolve the matter, all well and good, otherwise there is nothing wrong with you speaking to his family in a wise and mature manner. If they do not respond and the situation continues as it is, then be patient and seek reward from Allaah.
With regard to your shaking hands with men who are not your mahrams, this is haraam. There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. For more information on the ruling on shaking hands with a non-mahram, see question no. 21183.
It is not permissible for your husband to go to wedding parties in which there is noise and sin. For more information see question no. 10957.
Finally…
Our advice to husbands is that they should honour their parents with regard to that which is right and proper, but they should not obey them if they transgress the limits set by Allaah, or help them in wrongdoing, which includes mistreating their sons’ wives. They should discuss with them in a way that is better and not prevent them from obeying Allaah. They should be strong in adhering to the truth and confront those who stand in the way of their implementing the laws of Allaah in their homes, because the Muslim does not acknowledge any authority over him except the Qur’aan and Sunnah. They should also beware of those who call them to commit sin.
If the husband thinks that the interests of sharee’ah dictate that he should keep his wife and his family apart, then there is nothing wrong with him doing that.
We should be tolerant and be patient with one another, and we should not forget to be kind to one another. We should speak to one another in kindness and be patient, and ward off evil with that which is better. We should speak well to the slaves of Allaah until we meet Allaah.
Allaah is the One Whom we ask to set all our affairs straight. May Allaah send blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad
Source : http://islamqa.com/en/ref/6388
Friday, October 22, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
How Umm Waraqa RA got martyred
As Salamu Alaikum wa rahmatullah,
I found this intresting and inspiring of this great companion of our Prophet { sallal lahu alayhi wa sallam}
The prophet (peace be upon him) called Umm Waraqa RA - the martyr. She hoped for death in the cause of Allah. Therefore, at the battle of Badr, she asked the prophet (peace be upon him) permission to join the Muslim army in order to treat the wounded or she might win the martyrdom.
The prophet peace be upon him said to her:
“Allah would grant you martyrdom, stay home you are a Martyr."
She memorized the Quran by heart, The prophet therefore allowed her to lead he household of women in prayer. She kept doing the rites of Islam until she was murder at the hands of two slaves: Male and female. These two slaves killed her because their freedom was condition on her death.
In the morning Umar ibn Al kHattab said “by Allah, I did not heart the recitation of aunt Umm Waraqa last night. According he checked her home and found that she had dies. He said, “The messenger of Allah was truthful when he used to say, “Le us go to visit the martyr”
Umar ordered the killers to be brought before him. They confessed their crime, thus, he sentenced them to be crucified, and they were the first people to be crucified in Madina. May Allah have mercy on her, who won the martyrdom, which she has asked before.
I found this intresting and inspiring of this great companion of our Prophet { sallal lahu alayhi wa sallam}
The prophet (peace be upon him) called Umm Waraqa RA - the martyr. She hoped for death in the cause of Allah. Therefore, at the battle of Badr, she asked the prophet (peace be upon him) permission to join the Muslim army in order to treat the wounded or she might win the martyrdom.
The prophet peace be upon him said to her:
“Allah would grant you martyrdom, stay home you are a Martyr."
She memorized the Quran by heart, The prophet therefore allowed her to lead he household of women in prayer. She kept doing the rites of Islam until she was murder at the hands of two slaves: Male and female. These two slaves killed her because their freedom was condition on her death.
In the morning Umar ibn Al kHattab said “by Allah, I did not heart the recitation of aunt Umm Waraqa last night. According he checked her home and found that she had dies. He said, “The messenger of Allah was truthful when he used to say, “Le us go to visit the martyr”
Umar ordered the killers to be brought before him. They confessed their crime, thus, he sentenced them to be crucified, and they were the first people to be crucified in Madina. May Allah have mercy on her, who won the martyrdom, which she has asked before.
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