To what extent can the husband’s relatives interfere in his wife’s life

What are the rights of the in-laws (the husband’s brothers and sisters) in Islam? Do the father- and mother-in-law have the right of obedience? Do they have the right to enter my room with or without permission? To what extent should I obey them with regard to my clothing, cooking, childcare, keeping house and going out of the house? Do they have the right to interfere in our marital life? Do they have any rights with regard to our work, where we live, education and the like? Do I have to ask their permission to visit my family? Do they have the right to know all the details about our life? Do I have to obey them and shake hands with my husband’s relatives? Do my husband and I have to attend weddings in which there are haraam things?.

Praise be to Allaah.

The wife does not have to obey anyone among her in-laws, whether that is her husband’s father, mother, brothers or sisters, in any matter, major or minor, unless they tell her to do something which is obligatory according to Islam, or forbid her to do something that is haraam. In such matters she has to obey, whether that comes from a relative or a stranger, an in-law or anyone else.

With regard to the husband, she must obey him in matters that are right and proper, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Men are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allaah has made one of them to excel the other, and because they spend (to support them) from their means…”

[al-Nisa’ 4:34]

Ibn Katheer (may Allaah have mercy on him) said, discussing some of the husband’s rights over his wife:

Allaah has given the husband rights and commanded the wife to obey him; He has forbidden her to disobey him because of the fact that he excels her and maintains her. Tafseer Ibn Katheer, 1/493

It is not permissible for any of your in-laws to enter your room without your permission, because Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“O you who believe! Enter not houses other than your own, until you have asked permission and greeted those in them; that is better for you, in order that you may remember”

[al-Noor 24:27]

If any of them enters your room with your permission but he is not one of your mahrams – such as your husband’s brother – then there has to be one of your mahrams present, so that there will be no haraam khulwah between you (i.e., being alone together). You must also observe full shar’i hijab, and be certain that there is no risk of falling into fitnah (temptation).

Despite all these conditions, it is still better for him not to enter upon you in your room; this is purer for the heart and farthest removed from suspicion. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

“And when you ask (his wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and for their hearts”

[al-Ahzaab 33:53]

And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Beware of entering upon women.” A man from among the Ansaar said, “What about the in-law, O Messenger of Allaah?” He said, “The in-law is death.”

Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5232; Muslim, 2172.

Al-Nawawi (may Allaah have mercy on him) said:

With regard to the Prophet’s words “The in-law is death,” what this means is that there is more fear with regard to him than anyone else, and evil is to be expected of him, and the fitnah (temptation) is greater because he is able to reach the woman and be alone with her without anyone denouncing that, unlike the case of one who is a stranger. What is meant by “in-law” (hamu) here is the relatives of the husband apart from his father/grandfather and sons/grandsons. Fathers/grandfathers and sons/grandsons are mahrams for his wife and it is permissible for them to be alone with her. The word “death” here does not refer to them. Rather what is meant is the brother, brother’s son, paternal uncle, cousin, etc, who are not mahrams. People are usually careless about this matter and a man may let his wife be alone with his brother. This is what is referred to by “death” and should be prevented more than her being alone with a stranger for the reasons mentioned above.

They do not have the right to force you to do any of the things you mention, such as how to cook, how to dress or other things such as working and teaching etc, unless that is by way of advice and kind treatment, not by way of compulsion.

It is not permissible for them to interfere in your and your husband’s private affairs, but if they convince your husband not to go out on trips and he tells you to stay in the house, then obey your husband, and be patient and seek reward.

You do not have to ask permission from any of them to visit your family; that is not their right. You have to ask your husband’s permission, and if he gives you permission then you do not have to ask permission from any of them.

They do not have the right to know the details of your life (you and your husband), and it is not permissible for your husband to tell them of any private or intimate matters between the two of you.

Your husband has to honour his parents, and you should help him in that. You should not be the cause of a split between him and them. You will see the consequences of that in your children in sha Allah.

Your husband’s visits to his parents should be on the basis of need. Something may happen to his parents which requires their son to visit them a great deal, such as sickness and the like. You husband has to pay attention to that.

With regard to your serving them and doing housework, you are not obliged to do that, but if you do it as an act of kindness towards them, or to please your husband, that will be good and you will have the reward for that in sha Allaah. This is something that will raise your status in the eyes of your husband and his family in this world, and will raise you in status in the Hereafter too, in sha Allah.

With regard to your living separately, your husband has to ensure that you have a place where you can live separately, but there is nothing wrong with his parents living in the same place with you if the house is big enough, and if that will not cause you any harm.
With regard to your life being under scrutiny, his parents have no right to dominate your life. Try to communicate in a proper manner with your husband and reach an understanding. If he can resolve the matter, all well and good, otherwise there is nothing wrong with you speaking to his family in a wise and mature manner. If they do not respond and the situation continues as it is, then be patient and seek reward from Allaah.

With regard to your shaking hands with men who are not your mahrams, this is haraam. There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience towards the Creator. For more information on the ruling on shaking hands with a non-mahram, see question no. 21183.

It is not permissible for your husband to go to wedding parties in which there is noise and sin. For more information see question no. 10957.

Finally…

Our advice to husbands is that they should honour their parents with regard to that which is right and proper, but they should not obey them if they transgress the limits set by Allaah, or help them in wrongdoing, which includes mistreating their sons’ wives. They should discuss with them in a way that is better and not prevent them from obeying Allaah. They should be strong in adhering to the truth and confront those who stand in the way of their implementing the laws of Allaah in their homes, because the Muslim does not acknowledge any authority over him except the Qur’aan and Sunnah. They should also beware of those who call them to commit sin.

If the husband thinks that the interests of sharee’ah dictate that he should keep his wife and his family apart, then there is nothing wrong with him doing that.

We should be tolerant and be patient with one another, and we should not forget to be kind to one another. We should speak to one another in kindness and be patient, and ward off evil with that which is better. We should speak well to the slaves of Allaah until we meet Allaah.

Allaah is the One Whom we ask to set all our affairs straight. May Allaah send blessings upon our Prophet Muhammad

Source : http://islamqa.com/en/ref/6388

best islamic nasheeds english hope you enjoy

How Umm Waraqa RA got martyred

As Salamu Alaikum wa rahmatullah,

I found this intresting and inspiring of this great companion of our Prophet { sallal lahu alayhi wa sallam}

The prophet (peace be upon him) called Umm Waraqa RA - the martyr. She hoped for death in the cause of Allah. Therefore, at the battle of Badr, she asked the prophet (peace be upon him) permission to join the Muslim army in order to treat the wounded or she might win the martyrdom.

The prophet peace be upon him said to her:

“Allah would grant you martyrdom, stay home you are a Martyr."

She memorized the Quran by heart, The prophet therefore allowed her to lead he household of women in prayer. She kept doing the rites of Islam until she was murder at the hands of two slaves: Male and female. These two slaves killed her because their freedom was condition on her death.

In the morning Umar ibn Al kHattab said “by Allah, I did not heart the recitation of aunt Umm Waraqa last night. According he checked her home and found that she had dies. He said, “The messenger of Allah was truthful when he used to say, “Le us go to visit the martyr”

Umar ordered the killers to be brought before him. They confessed their crime, thus, he sentenced them to be crucified, and they were the first people to be crucified in Madina. May Allah have mercy on her, who won the martyrdom, which she has asked before.

Children songs, Peace TV

A beautiful dua by the girls

Beauty Tips For Muslimahs!

The virtues of hijaab

The virtues of hijab:

1. An act of obedience.

The hijab is an act of obedience to Allah and to his prophet (pbuh), Allah says in the Qur'an:

`It is not for a believer, man or woman, when Allah and His messenger have decreed a matter that they should have an option in their decision. And whoever disobeys Allah and His Messenger, has indeed strayed in a plain error.' (S33:36).


Allah also said:
'And tell the believing women to lower their gaze (from looking at forbidden things) and protect their private parts (from illegal sexual acts, etc) and not to show off their adornment except what must (ordinarily) appear thereof, that they should draw their veils over their Juyubihinna. '(S24:31).


2.The Hijab is IFFAH (Modesty).

Allah (subhana wa'atala) made the adherence to the hijab a manifestation for chastity and modesty. Allah says:

'O Prophet! Tell your wives and your daughters and the women of the believers to draw their cloaks (veils) over their bodies (when outdoors). That is most convenient that they should be known and not molested.' (S33:59).

In the above Ayaah there is an evidence that the recognition of the apparent beauty of the woman is harmful to her. When the cause of attraction ends, the restriction is removed. This is illustrated in the case of elderly women who may have lost every aspect of attraction. Allah (swt) made it permissible for them to lay aside their outer garments and expose their faces and hands reminding, however, that is still better for them to keep their modesty.

3. The hijab is Tahara (Purity)

Allah (swt) had shown us the hikma (wisdom) behind the legislation of the hijab:
`And when you ask them (the Prophet's wives) for anything you want, ask them from behind a screen, that is purer for your hearts and their hearts.' (S33:53).

The hijab makes for greater purity for the hearts of believing men and women because it screens against the desire of the heart. Without the hijab, the heart may or may not desire. That is why the heart is more pure when the sight is blocked (by hijab) and thus the prevention of fitna (evil actions is very much manifested. The hijab cuts off the ill thoughts and the greed of the sick hearts:
`Be not soft in speech, lest he in whose heart is a disease (of hypocrisy or evil desire for adultery, etc) should be moved with desire, but speak in an honourable manner.' (S33:32)

4. The hijab is a Shield

The prophet (pbuh) said:

'Allah, Most High, is Heaven, is Ha'yeii (Bashful), Sit'teer (Shielder). He loves Haya' (Bashfulness) and Sitr (Shielding; Covering).'

The Prophet (pbuh) also said:

'Any woman who takes off her clothes in other than her husband's house (to show off for unlawful purposes), has broken Allah's shield upon her. '

The hadith demonstrates that depending upon the kind of action committed there will be either reward (if good) or punishment (if bad).

5. The hijab is Taqwah (Righteousness)

Allah (swt) says in the Qur'an:
O children of Adam! We have bestowed raiment upon you to cover yourselves (screen your private parts, etc) and as an adornment. But the raiment of righteousness, that is better.'(S7:26).

The widespread forms of dresses in the world today are mostly for show off and hardly taken as a cover and shield of the woman's body. To the believing women, however the purpose is to safeguard their bodies and cover their private parts as a manifestation of the order of Allah. It is an act of Taqwah (righteousness) .

6. The hijab is Eemaan (Belief or Faith)

Allah (swt) did not address His words about the hijab except to the believing women, Al-Mo'minat. In many cases in the Qur'an Allah refers to the 'the believing women'. Aisha (RA), the wife of the prophet (pbuh), addressed some women from the tribe of Banu Tameem who came to visit her and had light clothes on them, they were improperly dressed:

'If indeed you are believing women, then truly this is not the dress of the believing women, and if you are not believing women, then enjoy it.'

7. The hijab is Haya' (Bashfulness)

There are two authentic hadith which state: 'Each religion has a morality and the morality of Islam is haya'' AND 'Bashfulness is from belief, and belief is in Al-Jannah (paradise)'.
The hijab fits the natural bashfulness which is a part of the nature of women.

8. The hijab is Gheerah

The hijab fits the natural feeling of Gheerah, which is intrinsic in the straight man who does not like people to look at his wife or daughters. Gheerah is a driving emotion that drives the straight man to safeguard women who are related to him from strangers. The straight MUSLIM man has Gheerah for ALL MUSLIM women In response to lust and desire, men look (with desire) at other women while they do not mind that other men do the same to their wives or daughters. The mixing of sexes and absence of hijab destroys the Gheera in men. Islam considers Gheerah an integral part of faith. The dignity of the wife or daughter or any other Muslim woman must be highly respected and defended.

Ideal Muslimah

As Salamu Alaikum wa rahmatullah

Dear sisters,

Here's an extract from a book - Ideal Muslimah. I guess most of us must have read it many a times. Though we may not possess all the qualities {as none of us can gain perfection } but atleast can try to near perfection by adorning ourselves with these qualities in our character. Here it goes

It is abundantly clear that the Muslim woman who is guided by Islam is pure, constructive, productive, alert aware , educated and refined. She fully understands her duties towards Allah swt and towards herself, her parents , her husband, her children, her relatives, her neighbours, her friends and sisters in Islam and her society as a whole, with all the different types of people, events and transactions it includes.

She believes in Allah swt and the Last day ; She is alert to the trials of this life and the traps of Shaytaan ; She worships Allah obeys His commands , heeds His prohibition , accepts His Will and Decree, returns to His protection and seeks his forgiveness when she stumbles or becomes negligent ; she is aware of her responsibility before Allah towards the members of her family ; She is keen to please Him by whatever she does ; she understands the true meaning of being a servant of Allah and supports His true religion ; she enjoins what is good and forbids what is evil as much as she is able.

She is aware of her obligations towards herself, understanding that she is human being composed of a body , mind and soul, each of which has its own needs and requirements. Hence she is careful to strike the right balance between her body , mind and spirit ; She does not devote attention to one at the expense of the others, rather . she devotes to each of them the attention that is needed to form a balanced personality , always guided by the wise teachings of Islam as seen in the Qur'an , the sunnah and example of the righteous salaf {predecessors } who followed in the footstpes of the Prophet with all sincerity.

She takes care of her outward appearance without going to extremes of excess or showing off, and she takes care of her inner nature in a manner that befits the human being whom Allah has honoured by making the angels prostrate to him and subjugating all that is in heaven and earth for his benefit. In this way , she develops a balanced , likeable character, one that is attractive both in appearance and in her thinking, reasoning , behaviour and reactions

She does not allow ger care of her body and mind to distract her from spiritual matters ; she devotes just as much attention to her spiritual development and polishes her soul thru worship , dhikr and reading Qur'an . Her guideline in all of this is to maintain a precise balance between all aspects of her personality.
She treats her parents with kindness and respect. She knows their status and her duties towards them, and she is very cautious not to disobey them. She never spares any effort to find the best way to treat then properly, and she surrounds them with every type of care, honour and respect.

With her husband , she is an ideal wife, intelligent, respectful, obedient, tolerant and loving, eager to please him and to respect and honour his family. She conceals his secrets and helps him to be righteous, to fear Allah and to do good deeds. She fills his heart with happiness, peace and tranquility.

With her children, she is loving, compassionate mother who wisely understands the great importance of her motherly role in bringing them up. She makes them aware of her love and care for them, and never withholds right guidance from them if they need it, so that they will grow up with an ideal Islamic upbringing that will cultivate in them the best morals and attitudes and a love for the highest things.

With her daughter-in-laws and Son-in-laws, she is kind , fair and wise and offers them sincere advice. She does not interfere in their private matters. She treats them well and strives to strengthen the bonds o flove and to ward off the evils of disputes.

With her relatives, she upholds the ties of love and does not neglect to keep in touch and treat them well. She is keen to maintain the relationship even if they do not uphold ties, acting in obedience to the teachings of Islam , which urge the upholding of the ties of kinship with love and affection.

She treats her neighbours well and is concerned about them. She knows the great rights they have, which Jibreel emphasised to the Prophet { PHUH} so strongly that the Prophet thought he was going to make them his heirs. So she likes for them what she likes for herself. She treats them well, respects their feelings, puts up with their insults , turns a blind eye to their faults and mistales, and is careful not to mistreat them or to fall short in her treatment of them.

With her friends and sisters in Islam, she is distinguished from other women byway in which she builds her relationship with them on a basis of love for the sake of Allah swt, which is the highest and purest love that exists among human beings, as it is free from any impurity pr ulterior motive and its purity is derived from the light of Revelation and Prophetic guidance. Therefore , the muslim woman is sincere and tolerant in her feelings with hostile arguments and disputes , bear grudges or withhold any favour she cud do for them, and she always greets them with a cheerful , smiling face

In her relationship with her society , she is a social being of the highest class, because of what she learned of the wise teachings of Islam concerning social dealings and high morals. From the rish spring of Islam she derives her customs , habits and behaviour and the ethics and values which purify her soul and form her distinct social character.

She is of good character { has a good attitude towards others } and is sincere and straighforward with all people.

She does not cheat , deceive or stab in the back. She is not a hypocrite, She does not speak falsely { or bear false witness }. She offers sincere advice and guides others to good deeds. She keeps her promises. She has the characteristics of modesty and respect.

She does not interfere in that which does not concern her. She avoids slandering the honour of others and seeking out their faults. She does not show off. She is fair in her judgements of others. SHe does not oppress others. SHE is fair even to those whom she does not like. She not rejoices on the misfortune of others. She avoids suspicion. SHe restrains her tongue from malicious gossip. She avoids cursing and obscene speech. She does not make fun of anybody. She is gentle with people. She is compasisonate.She tries to benefit others and protect them from harm. She eases hardhip of one who is suffering. She is generous. She is tolerant.

She does not bear grudges or harbour resentment. She is easy -going , not harsh. She is not envious. She avoids boasting and show-off. She does not speak in an exaggerating manner. She has a likeable personality. She is friendly and likeable. She keeps secrets. She is of cheerful countenace. She has a sense of humour. SHe tries to make people happy. She is not over-strict. She is not arrogant. She is humble. She is modest in her appearance and dress. She pursues noble things. She is concerned about the affairs of muslims. She honours her guest. She prefers others to herself, She measures her habits and customs against standards of Muslims. She uses greetings of Islam.

She does not enter any house except her own, without permission. She sits wherever she finds space in a gathering. She does not converse privately with another women when a third women is present. She respect elders and distinguished people. She chooses work that suits her feminine nature. She does not imitate men. She calls others to truth. She enjoins what id good and forbids bad. SHe is wise and eloquent in her dawah. She mixes with righteous women.She hastens to reconcile between muslim women. She appreciates favours from Allah and is grateful for them. She visits sick . She does not attend funeral procession { i.e follow bier }

This is the personality of a muslim woman as defined by the teachings of Islam.No doubt the Muslim woman is the most refined example womanhood ever known in any human society. Along with all the qualities listed above , a muslim woman also possesses wisdom, purity of soul , a high level of spirituality, a sound concept of life, the universe and humanity and a deep awareness of her important role in life.

Surely women 's reaching such a high level of intellectual , psychological , spiritual and moral development is a great human blessing, which is unequalled by any of the many blessings that human beings enjoy.

The great hopes that are pinned on the Muslim woman , who is aware of her role , require her to be even stronger in proving her Islamic identity, wherever she may live and whatever her circumstances may be. By reinforcing her Islamic identity , she clearly demonstrates her awareness, high aims , sincerity and devotion to Islam and its distictive culture. This is also indicative of her ability to contribute to the revival of the ummah to which she belongs and the development of the country she lives in.

May Allah swt, help and guide every Muslimah to possess these qualities and overcome any weaknesses of hers. Do remember me in your duas