by Umm Reem
Source: MuslimMatters.org
One day a sister dropped by to pick up something and saw me dressed up with make-up and jewelry, so she assumed I was going somewhere. When I told her I wasnt, the reason I dressed up surprised her.
I told her, “Because it is about time for my husband to return from work.”
She said, “You still get ready for your husband?”
“Yes, what do you mean “still”?!” I asked.
She said, “I used to do that in the beginning of the marriage and then I don’t it anymore.”
Unfortunately this is a common scenario among many Muslim married sisters. In fact, one of the most common complaints husbands have against their wives is that the wives dont beautify themselves at home.
I have personally observed many Muslim sisters stop taking care of themselves once they get married. Some married sisters only dress up when they go out and while others dont even bother with that. For some, abaya and hijab become a perfect “cover up” for outside the house and shalwar-kameez become the perfect lounge-wear for inside the house!
Reasons Why Sisters Dont Dress Up:
I cannot generalize the reasons why sisters stop taking interest in taking care of themselves at home, but I want to highlight 2 main points:
Once married to a practicing brother, sisters assume their knight in shining armor won’t be interested in their looks but, rather, in their imaan. They believe their beauty lies in their “piety.”
Husbands dont express their desire in seeing their wives dressed up. Or, when their wives dress up, they dont bother to compliment them, which confuses the wife into thinking, “He does not care.”
Beauty and Piety are Two Separate Characteristics:
Let’s remember, piety may add to a person’s inner beauty which may reflect through physical appearance; however, they both are independent characteristics.
There is no prohibition in looking good; in fact, to physically beautify oneself to please one’s husband and keep him happy is not only a praiseworthy act but also a means to earn reward from Allah azza wa jall.
When the Prophet sallallahu alihi wasalam was asked which woman was best, he replied, “The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command….” (Nasai)
Hence, sisters, please on a daily basis before your husband returns home:
Take a shower.
Change your clothes.
Wash your face with cleanser/scrub.
Put light make up on. Please dont use the excuse, “I dont know how to.”
Wear some jewelry.
Show some creativity with your hair. Remember frizzy hair can be taken care of with gel, mousse, hair spray, hair straightener etc.
Moreover, try to get a facial done once in a while. If you cant afford to, there are millions of products available at very reasonable prices for home facials/deep cleaning.
Dear sisters,
Abaya should not be used to cover up weight gain, and neither should the hijab keep frizzy/unkempt hair covered. I understand that shalwar-kameez are the most comfortable clothing but it needs to be changed before your husband get back home.
Husbands: Pay Attention & Don’t be Stingy with Words:
A wife desires attention from her husband. If she feels her husband appreciates her dressing up and taking care of herself, it will encourage her to take care of herself. Hence, husbands please:
Pay attention to your wife on a daily basis
Show interest in her looks, clothes and her overall appearance
Encourage her by buying her clothes you would like her to wear
When she is dressed up, make sure you praise her.
When she is not, remind her gently
http://muslimvillage.com/2011/11/29/love-and-intimacy-for-muslims/?utm_source=MV-mail&utm_medium=Email&utm_content=Subscriber%2319283&utm_campaign=Newsletter%2029th%20Nov%202011
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Thursday, October 20, 2011
MOTHER vs MUSLIM MOTHER
Assalamualikum to all my beloved sisters and respected brothers. Here I would like to share a very serious issue where most mothers neglect. I am not pointing to anyone and I am not looking for any personal argument on my thread. As a mother and as a slave of Allah swt,I want to share this with all of us because soon or later we will be parents.
It is very sad to see how these days mother raising their kids. The are the best mother by the way-they give perfect shelter, the best food, the best cloths, the best education and everything is the best.
Well that is what every mother in this world do-give the best for their children. hats what my mother did to be by the way. So there is no difference between a Muslim mother and a non Muslim mother. That is the basic responsibility need to be done every mother and it is not something special but that is what we call responsibility. You plan to have children then you must raise them. It is in every culture and religion by the way.
But my topic today is about mother vs Muslim Mother.
As Muslim mothers, we have more responsibility towards our children. Besides giving them the basic needs, we should also prepare their soul in worshipping Allah.I always believe that children are gift from Allah yest they are not belong to us.We are just chosen to be the parents to raise them according to Allah's rules.
But these days Muslims mothers raise their kids according to their own rules. They are preparing their kids for dunya and not for Jannah.How can we say a child's Jannah is under the mother's feet when the mother herself doesn’t bother to care for her child's Jannah?
Let me put everything straight forward without beating around the bush.
A mother should raise her child by telling him about Tauhid.We talk about Tauhid to non muslims but what about our own child? He doesn't know who is Allah, what is Islam, what is Salah,what is Jannah and Jahanam.The mother should teach about this.
The religion education comes first before the western education.
No more A for Apple...
Now A for Allah
No matter how the best a mother could give to her in child dunya,but if her child doesn't pray or doesn't wear hijab...she has failed to be a mother.
Because she is responsible for the corrupted ummah.The ummah starts from home. Each child grows up and creates an ummah and nation.So who is responsible for this corrupted ummah?
Do not blame the television,
Do not blame the western countries,
Do no blame the internet,
Do not blame the music,
Do not blame the nude women,
Do not blame anyone...
But blame ourselves
If he had a strong iman since childhood, he wouldn't have been corrupted in his religion.
Iman is like the bricks used to build the building. If they are low quality, the building will collapse one day. If they are from strong quality InshaAllah will survive like the pyramids.
If a child does not pray, then it is the mother's fault because she doesn't care to advice him as long as he can get 100/100 in his exam.
If a girl do not wear hijab,then it is the mother's fault because she doesn't care to advice her as long as she looks beautiful and happy with the compliments given by the relatives.
We are not living in this world according to our rules. We live according to Allah's rules. So we have no rights to raise the children as we like but we MUST raise the children according to what He wants.
To all Muslim mothers,if you want to be in Jannah,and you want your children to be in Jannah,do what Allah has ordered you to do.
No more so called western style of raising children.
We just take the good things from them (non Muslims) and modified it and implement Islamic rules and raise the child according this way.
· No more bed time stories-prophets stories
· No more teaching Roman alphabets-begine with alif,ba,ta.. and not A,B,C...
· Teach Alif for Allah and not A for Apple
· No more music -but dzikir for Allah
· No more drawing living creatures-but draw the beauty of Islam
· No more talking craps with friends at school -but teach how to do dawah and how to talk about Islam
· No more Barney or Sesame Street-but Huda channel or Iqro Channel
· No more” I love you,you love me(Barney song)- but “Give thanx to Allah”(by Zain Bhikha
Disbelievers do not follow our way, so why do we follow theirs?
Don't we have our own mind and own way of raising the children?
Think about it for a moment...!
by: Islamic Reflections
It is very sad to see how these days mother raising their kids. The are the best mother by the way-they give perfect shelter, the best food, the best cloths, the best education and everything is the best.
Well that is what every mother in this world do-give the best for their children. hats what my mother did to be by the way. So there is no difference between a Muslim mother and a non Muslim mother. That is the basic responsibility need to be done every mother and it is not something special but that is what we call responsibility. You plan to have children then you must raise them. It is in every culture and religion by the way.
But my topic today is about mother vs Muslim Mother.
As Muslim mothers, we have more responsibility towards our children. Besides giving them the basic needs, we should also prepare their soul in worshipping Allah.I always believe that children are gift from Allah yest they are not belong to us.We are just chosen to be the parents to raise them according to Allah's rules.
But these days Muslims mothers raise their kids according to their own rules. They are preparing their kids for dunya and not for Jannah.How can we say a child's Jannah is under the mother's feet when the mother herself doesn’t bother to care for her child's Jannah?
Let me put everything straight forward without beating around the bush.
A mother should raise her child by telling him about Tauhid.We talk about Tauhid to non muslims but what about our own child? He doesn't know who is Allah, what is Islam, what is Salah,what is Jannah and Jahanam.The mother should teach about this.
The religion education comes first before the western education.
No more A for Apple...
Now A for Allah
No matter how the best a mother could give to her in child dunya,but if her child doesn't pray or doesn't wear hijab...she has failed to be a mother.
Because she is responsible for the corrupted ummah.The ummah starts from home. Each child grows up and creates an ummah and nation.So who is responsible for this corrupted ummah?
Do not blame the television,
Do not blame the western countries,
Do no blame the internet,
Do not blame the music,
Do not blame the nude women,
Do not blame anyone...
But blame ourselves
If he had a strong iman since childhood, he wouldn't have been corrupted in his religion.
Iman is like the bricks used to build the building. If they are low quality, the building will collapse one day. If they are from strong quality InshaAllah will survive like the pyramids.
If a child does not pray, then it is the mother's fault because she doesn't care to advice him as long as he can get 100/100 in his exam.
If a girl do not wear hijab,then it is the mother's fault because she doesn't care to advice her as long as she looks beautiful and happy with the compliments given by the relatives.
We are not living in this world according to our rules. We live according to Allah's rules. So we have no rights to raise the children as we like but we MUST raise the children according to what He wants.
To all Muslim mothers,if you want to be in Jannah,and you want your children to be in Jannah,do what Allah has ordered you to do.
No more so called western style of raising children.
We just take the good things from them (non Muslims) and modified it and implement Islamic rules and raise the child according this way.
· No more bed time stories-prophets stories
· No more teaching Roman alphabets-begine with alif,ba,ta.. and not A,B,C...
· Teach Alif for Allah and not A for Apple
· No more music -but dzikir for Allah
· No more drawing living creatures-but draw the beauty of Islam
· No more talking craps with friends at school -but teach how to do dawah and how to talk about Islam
· No more Barney or Sesame Street-but Huda channel or Iqro Channel
· No more” I love you,you love me(Barney song)- but “Give thanx to Allah”(by Zain Bhikha
Disbelievers do not follow our way, so why do we follow theirs?
Don't we have our own mind and own way of raising the children?
Think about it for a moment...!
by: Islamic Reflections
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Choosing A Good Husband
One of the ways in which Islam has honoured woman is by giving her the right to choose her husband. Her parents have no right to force her to marry someone she dislikes. The Muslim woman knows this right, but she does not reject the advice and guidance of her parents when a potential suitor comes along because they have her best interests at heart, and they have more experience of life and people. At the same time, she does not forego this right because of her father's wishes that may make him force his daughter into a marriage with someone she dislikes.
There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa' bint Khidam:
"My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah . He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.' I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.' He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.' I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter's matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).'"
At first, the Prophet told al-Khansa' to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters' well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of `Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behaviour, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet said: "Will you give his garden back to him?" - her mahr had been a garden. She said, "Yes." So the Messenger of Allah sent word to him: "Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce."3
According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn `Abbas, she said, "I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behaviour, but I do not like him."
Islam has protected woman's pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not like. There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah, an Ethiopian slave-girl who belonged to `Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to marry another slave whose name was Mughith. She would never have accepted him as a husband if she had been in control of her own affairs. `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) took pity on her, so she bought her and set her free. Then this young woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs, and that she could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce. Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Al-Bukhaari quotes Ibn `Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her marriage to someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet commented on this moving sight, and sought to intervene.
Ibn `Abbas said:
"Barirah's husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him, running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet said to `Abbas, `O `Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how much Barirah hates Mughith?' The Prophet said (to Barirah), `Why do you not go back to him?' She said, `O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me to do so?' He said, `I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.' She said, `I have no need of him.'"
The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society:
"If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah anmischief will become widespread on earth."
Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to stupid "play-boy" types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behaviour is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has said:
Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . (Qur'aan 24:26)
This does not mean that the Muslim woman should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is her right - as stated above - to marry a man for whom her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to her both in his appearance and in his conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim woman is never dazzled by outward appearances, and she never lets them distract her from seeing the essence of a potential spouse. The Muslim woman knows that the man has the right of qiwamah over her, as the Qur'aan says:
( Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .) (Qur'aan 4:34)
Hence she wants to marry a man of whose qiwamah over her she will feel proud, one whom she will be happy to marry and never regret it. She wants a man who will take her hand in his and set out to fulfil their life's mission of establishing a Muslim family and raising a new generation of intelligent and caring children, in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will not be impeded by conflicting attitudes or religious differences. Believing men and believing women are supposed to walk side-by-side on the journey of life, which is a serious matter for the believer, so that they may fulfil the great mission with which Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has entrusted mankind, men and women alike, as the Qur'aan says:
( For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise - for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur'aan 33:35)
In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place.
Among the great Muslim women who are known for their strength of character, lofty aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who was one of the first Ansar women to embrace Islam. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar, and bore him a son, Anas. When she embraced Islam, her husband Malik was angry with her, and left her, but she persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his death, and she was still in the flower of her youth. She bore it all with the hope of reward, for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and devoted herself to taking care of her ten-year-old son Anas. She took him to the Prophet , so that he could serve him (and learn from him).
One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best-looking, richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah - before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Yathrib liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu so-and-so." He said, "Of course." She said, "Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of Banu so-and-so?" Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: "O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr), and I would ask you for nothing more."
He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistance and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by the carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn." Her words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, Does the Lord burn? Then he uttered the words: "Ashhadu an la ilaha ill-Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah."
Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, "O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah." So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized.
Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym's disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, "O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and I will not take any other dowry." She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this world, as she had heard the Prophet say:
"If Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) were to guide one person to Islam through you, it is better for you than owning red camels."
Such great Muslim women are examples worthy of emulation, from whom Muslim women may learn purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom in choosing a husband.
There are many texts that support the woman in this sensitive issue, for example the report quoted by Imam Al-Bukhaari from al-Khansa' bint Khidam:
"My father married me to his nephew, and I did not like this match, so I complained to the Messenger of Allah . He said to me: `Accept what your father has arranged.' I said, `I do not wish to accept what my father has arranged.' He said, `Then this marriage is invalid, go and marry whomever you wish.' I said, `I have accepted what my father has arranged, but I wanted women to know that fathers have no right in their daughter's matters (i.e. they have no right to force a marriage on them).'"
At first, the Prophet told al-Khansa' to obey her father, and this is as it should be, because the concern of fathers for their daughters' well-being is well-known. But when he realized that her father wanted to force her into a marriage she did not want, he gave her the freedom to choose, and saved her from the oppression of a father who wanted to force her into an unwanted marriage.
Islam does not want to impose an unbearable burden on women by forcing them to marry a man they dislike, because it wants marriages to be successful, based on compatibility between the partners; there should be common ground between them in terms of physical looks, attitudes, habits, inclinations and aspirations. If something goes wrong, and the woman feels that she cannot love her husband sincerely, and fears that she may commit the sin of disobeying and opposing this husband whom she does not love, then she may ask for a divorce. This is confirmed by the report in which the wife of Thabit ibn Qays ibn Shammas, Jamilah the sister of `Abdullah ibn Ubayy, came to the Prophet and said: "O Messenger of Allah, I have nothing against Thabit ibn Qays as regards his religion or his behaviour, but I hate to commit any act of kufr when I am a Muslim. The Prophet said: "Will you give his garden back to him?" - her mahr had been a garden. She said, "Yes." So the Messenger of Allah sent word to him: "Take back your garden, and give her one pronouncement of divorce."3
According to a report given by Al-Bukhaari from Ibn `Abbas, she said, "I do not blame Thabit for anything with regard to his religion or his behaviour, but I do not like him."
Islam has protected woman's pride and humanity, and has respected her wishes with regard to the choice of a husband with whom she will spend the rest of her life. It is not acceptable for anyone, no matter who he is, to force a woman into a marriage with a man she does not like. There is no clearer indication of this than the story of Barirah, an Ethiopian slave-girl who belonged to `Utbah ibn Abu Lahab, who forced her to marry another slave whose name was Mughith. She would never have accepted him as a husband if she had been in control of her own affairs. `A'ishah (May Allah be pleased with her) took pity on her, so she bought her and set her free. Then this young woman felt that she was free and in control of her own affairs, and that she could take a decision about her marriage. She asked her husband for a divorce. Her husband used to follow her, weeping, whilst she rejected him. Al-Bukhaari quotes Ibn `Abbas describing this freed woman who insisted on the annulment of her marriage to someone she did not love; the big-hearted Prophet commented on this moving sight, and sought to intervene.
Ibn `Abbas said:
"Barirah's husband was a slave, who was known as Mughith. I can almost see him, running after her and crying, with tears running down onto his beard. The Prophet said to `Abbas, `O `Abbas, do you not find it strange, how much Mugith loves Barirah, and how much Barirah hates Mughith?' The Prophet said (to Barirah), `Why do you not go back to him?' She said, `O Messenger of Allah, are you commanding me to do so?' He said, `I am merely trying to intervene on his behalf.' She said, `I have no need of him.'"
The Prophet was deeply moved by this display of human emotion: deep and overwhelming love on the part of the husband, and equally powerful hatred on the part of the wife. He could not help but remind the wife, and ask her why she did not go back to him, as he was her husband and the father of her child. This believing woman asked him, whether he was ordering her to do so: was this a command, a binding obligation? The Prophet , this great law-giver and educator, replied that he was merely trying to intercede and bring about reconciliation if possible; he was not trying to force anybody to do something they did not wish to. Let those stubborn, hard-hearted fathers who oppress their own daughters listen to the teaching of the Prophet !
The Muslim woman who understands the teachings of her religion has wise and correct standards when it comes to choosing a husband. She does not concern herself just with good looks, high status, a luxurious lifestyle or any of the other things that usually attract women. She looks into his level of religious commitment and his attitude and behaviour, because these are the pillars of a successful marriage, and the best features of a husband. Islamic teaching indicates the importance of these qualities in a potential husband, as Islam obliges a woman to accept the proposal of anyone who has these qualities, lest fitnah and corruption become widespread in society:
"If there comes to you one with whose religion and attitude you are satisfied, then give your daughter to him in marriage, for if you do not do so, fitnah anmischief will become widespread on earth."
Just as the true Muslim young man will not be attracted to the pretty girls who have grown up in a bad environment, so the Muslim young woman who is guided by her religion will not be attracted to stupid "play-boy" types, no matter how handsome they may be. Rather she will be attracted to the serious, educated, believing man who is clean-living and pure of heart, whose behaviour is good and whose understanding of religion is sound. No-one is a suitable partner for the good, believing woman except a good, believing man; and no-one is a suitable partner for the wayward, immoral woman but a wayward, immoral man, as Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has said:
Women impure are for men impure, and men impure for women impure, and women of purity are for men of purity, and men of purity are for women of purity . . . (Qur'aan 24:26)
This does not mean that the Muslim woman should completely ignore the matter of physical appearance, and put up with unattractiveness or ugliness. It is her right - as stated above - to marry a man for whom her heart may be filled with love, and who is pleasing to her both in his appearance and in his conduct. Appearance should not be neglected at the expense of inner nature, or vice versa. A woman should choose a man who is attractive to her in all aspects, one who will gain her admiration and respect. The true Muslim woman is never dazzled by outward appearances, and she never lets them distract her from seeing the essence of a potential spouse. The Muslim woman knows that the man has the right of qiwamah over her, as the Qur'aan says:
( Men are the protectors and maintainers [qawwamun] of women, because Allah has given the one more [strength] than the other, and because they support them from their means . . .) (Qur'aan 4:34)
Hence she wants to marry a man of whose qiwamah over her she will feel proud, one whom she will be happy to marry and never regret it. She wants a man who will take her hand in his and set out to fulfil their life's mission of establishing a Muslim family and raising a new generation of intelligent and caring children, in an atmosphere of love and harmony, which will not be impeded by conflicting attitudes or religious differences. Believing men and believing women are supposed to walk side-by-side on the journey of life, which is a serious matter for the believer, so that they may fulfil the great mission with which Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) has entrusted mankind, men and women alike, as the Qur'aan says:
( For Muslim men and women - for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men and women, for men and women who are constant and patient, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast [and deny themselves], for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise - for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward.) (Qur'aan 33:35)
In order to achieve this great goal of strengthening the marriage bond, and establishing a stable family life, it is essential to choose the right partner in the first place.
Among the great Muslim women who are known for their strength of character, lofty aspirations and far-sightedness in their choice of a husband is Umm Sulaym bint Milhan, who was one of the first Ansar women to embrace Islam. She was married to Malik ibn Nadar, and bore him a son, Anas. When she embraced Islam, her husband Malik was angry with her, and left her, but she persisted in her Islam. Shortly afterwards, she heard the news of his death, and she was still in the flower of her youth. She bore it all with the hope of reward, for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and devoted herself to taking care of her ten-year-old son Anas. She took him to the Prophet , so that he could serve him (and learn from him).
One of the best young men of Madinah, one of the best-looking, richest and strongest, came to seek her hand in marriage. This was Abu Talhah - before he became Muslim. Many of the young women of Yathrib liked him because of his wealth, strength and youthful good looks, and he thought that Umm Sulaym would joyfully rush to accept his offer. But to his astonishment, she told him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship is just a tree that grew in the ground and was carved into shape by the slave of Banu so-and-so." He said, "Of course." She said, "Do you not feel ashamed to prostrate yourself to a piece of wood that grew in the ground and was carved by the slave of Banu so-and-so?" Abu Talhah was stubborn, and hinted to her of an expensive dowry and luxurious lifestyle, but she persisted in her point of view, and told him frankly: "O Abu Talhah, a man like you could not be turned away, but you are a disbelieving man, and I am a Muslim woman. It is not permitted for me to marry you, but if you were to embrace Islam, that would be my dowry (mahr), and I would ask you for nothing more."
He returned the following day to try to tempt her with a larger dowry and more generous gift, but she stood firm, and her persistance and maturity only enhanced her beauty in his eyes. She said to him, "O Abu Talhah, do you not know that your god whom you worship was carved by the carpenter slave of so-and-so? If you were to set it alight, it would burn." Her words came as a shock to Abu Talhah, and he asked himself, Does the Lord burn? Then he uttered the words: "Ashhadu an la ilaha ill-Allah wa ashhadu anna Muhammadan rasul-Allah."
Then Umm Sulaym said to her son Anas, with joy flooding her entire being, "O Anas, marry me to Abu Talhah." So Anas brought witnesses and the marriage was solemnized.
Abu Talhah was so happy that he was determined to put all his wealth at Umm Sulaym's disposal, but hers was the attitude of the selfless, proud, sincere believing woman. She told him, "O Abu Talhah, I married you for the sake of Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa), and I will not take any other dowry." She knew that when Abu Talhah embraced Islam, she did not only win herself a worthy husband, but she also earned a reward from Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) that was better than owning red camels (the most highly-prized kind) in this world, as she had heard the Prophet say:
"If Allah (subhaanahu wa 'ta'aalaa) were to guide one person to Islam through you, it is better for you than owning red camels."
Such great Muslim women are examples worthy of emulation, from whom Muslim women may learn purity of faith, strength of character, soundness of belief and wisdom in choosing a husband.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Preparing to enter Ramadhan
Praise be to Allaah, we seek His help and His forgiveness. We seek refuge with Allaah from the evil of our own souls and from our bad deeds. Whomsoever Allaah guides will never be led astray, and whomsoever Allaah leaves astray, no one can guide. I bear witness that there is no god but Allaah, and I bear witness that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.
Dear readers, very few days, [Insha Allah by August 1st of this year}, are left for us to enter into Ramadhaan.
01. Buy all necessities for the month of Ramadan before Ramadan so you can spend less time during the holy month rushing around. You can be more focused on your religious rituals and spiritual development. Everyone in the family, even the kids, can participate, writing a shopping list, preparing some meals to be stored in the freezer.
02. If you have gotten into bad sleeping habits throughout the year, start readjusting now so you can wake up for Fajr prayer.
03. Sunnah fasts of Shaaban (the month before Ramadan) help to prepare for Ramadan and help to make the transition into the holy month a smooth one.
04. Reduce TV watching and prepare the family for the new spirit of Ramadan. Engage with your kids more and more in creative activities that remind them of Ramadan. (Suggested activities including reading the moral story books in group).
05. Organize your tape/CD collection to make it easy to select and to play nice nasheed (Hamd/Naat) to sing along together or Quran and Dua recitation, so as to introduce the spirit of the month gradually.
06. Plan ahead for the time you are spend at home in order not to lose the balance between your responsibility as a parent to supervise the children's studies and your engagement in religious practices such as reading Quran and praying Salat.
07. Plan ahead if your daughter needs a hijab to accompany you to the mosque. If possible, get shoes for the kids that are easy to tie when they leave the mosque. Do you or the kids need prayer rugs for prayer? Plan transportation to the mosque and back home.
08. Prepare as much cooking as you can before Ramadan. Here are some time-saving tips:
Prepare some vegetables and store them in the freezer to have them ready when needed.
If you soak dates in milk or water and eat them for Iftar, pit the dates before Ramadan.
Chop onions, garlic and store them in the freezer to have them ready when cooking during Ramadan.
09. If you are planning to invite guests for Iftar, the best time to do that is during your monthly period (menstruation). This has several advantages:
1. You will be able to taste the food that is going to be served.
2. You won't be engaged in some acts of worship so you'll have more time for cooking.
3. You won't have guilt feelings for staying after 'Isha' with the guests and not going to the mosque.
10. Prepare your kids before Ramadan that they have to help you more in housework and in setting the table and preparing the Iftar. Relate their action with the notion of Sadaqah and good deeds. Remind them that the reward of their good deeds is multiplied during Ramadan.
Adopted from islamonline.net with slight modifications.
Dear readers, very few days, [Insha Allah by August 1st of this year}, are left for us to enter into Ramadhaan.
01. Buy all necessities for the month of Ramadan before Ramadan so you can spend less time during the holy month rushing around. You can be more focused on your religious rituals and spiritual development. Everyone in the family, even the kids, can participate, writing a shopping list, preparing some meals to be stored in the freezer.
02. If you have gotten into bad sleeping habits throughout the year, start readjusting now so you can wake up for Fajr prayer.
03. Sunnah fasts of Shaaban (the month before Ramadan) help to prepare for Ramadan and help to make the transition into the holy month a smooth one.
04. Reduce TV watching and prepare the family for the new spirit of Ramadan. Engage with your kids more and more in creative activities that remind them of Ramadan. (Suggested activities including reading the moral story books in group).
05. Organize your tape/CD collection to make it easy to select and to play nice nasheed (Hamd/Naat) to sing along together or Quran and Dua recitation, so as to introduce the spirit of the month gradually.
06. Plan ahead for the time you are spend at home in order not to lose the balance between your responsibility as a parent to supervise the children's studies and your engagement in religious practices such as reading Quran and praying Salat.
07. Plan ahead if your daughter needs a hijab to accompany you to the mosque. If possible, get shoes for the kids that are easy to tie when they leave the mosque. Do you or the kids need prayer rugs for prayer? Plan transportation to the mosque and back home.
08. Prepare as much cooking as you can before Ramadan. Here are some time-saving tips:
Prepare some vegetables and store them in the freezer to have them ready when needed.
If you soak dates in milk or water and eat them for Iftar, pit the dates before Ramadan.
Chop onions, garlic and store them in the freezer to have them ready when cooking during Ramadan.
09. If you are planning to invite guests for Iftar, the best time to do that is during your monthly period (menstruation). This has several advantages:
1. You will be able to taste the food that is going to be served.
2. You won't be engaged in some acts of worship so you'll have more time for cooking.
3. You won't have guilt feelings for staying after 'Isha' with the guests and not going to the mosque.
10. Prepare your kids before Ramadan that they have to help you more in housework and in setting the table and preparing the Iftar. Relate their action with the notion of Sadaqah and good deeds. Remind them that the reward of their good deeds is multiplied during Ramadan.
Adopted from islamonline.net with slight modifications.
Friday, June 17, 2011
Saturday, April 16, 2011
1. Make her feel secure; (sakina- tranquillity) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE
2. When you go home say 'Assalmualikum. ' (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!
3. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that’s fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.
4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it’s a type of slandering.
5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED
6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.
7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!
8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!
9. Don’t be rigid. It will break you. Prophet Mohammed - Sallal lahu Aleihi Wasallam (SAW means “May the blessings and the peace of Allah be upon him” (Muhammad).) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife'. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.
10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER
11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said 'When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves'.
12. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) called Aisha 'ya Aish' as an endearment.
13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.
14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!
15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakh in your marriage.
16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.
17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.
18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.
19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.
20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said gifts increases love.
21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!
22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.
23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practise of Ali (RA). It’s like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!
24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.
25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.
26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.
27. Don't put your friends above your wife.
28. Help your wife at home. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.
29. Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.
30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.
31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.
32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).
33. Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It’s also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt)
34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.
35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) taught us this. It’s a blessing. The food doesn’t just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.
36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shitaan.
37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.
38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn't like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.
39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) 'if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.' It confirms prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.
40. Respect her thinking. It’s strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.
41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.
42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.
43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).
44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.
45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.
46. Let her know you are travelling. Don't tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.
47. Don't leave the house as soon as trouble brews.
48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.
49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.
2. When you go home say 'Assalmualikum. ' (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!
3. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that’s fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.
4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it’s a type of slandering.
5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED
6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.
7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!
8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!
9. Don’t be rigid. It will break you. Prophet Mohammed - Sallal lahu Aleihi Wasallam (SAW means “May the blessings and the peace of Allah be upon him” (Muhammad).) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife'. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.
10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER
11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said 'When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves'.
12. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) called Aisha 'ya Aish' as an endearment.
13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.
14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!
15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakh in your marriage.
16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.
17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.
18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.
19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.
20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said gifts increases love.
21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!
22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.
23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practise of Ali (RA). It’s like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!
24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.
25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.
26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your successes.
27. Don't put your friends above your wife.
28. Help your wife at home. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.
29. Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.
30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.
31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.
32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).
33. Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It’s also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt)
34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.
35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) taught us this. It’s a blessing. The food doesn’t just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.
36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shitaan.
37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.
38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn't like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.
39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) 'if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.' It confirms prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.
40. Respect her thinking. It’s strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.
41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.
42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet (Sallal lahu alaihy Wasallam) said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.
43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).
44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.
45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.
46. Let her know you are travelling. Don't tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.
47. Don't leave the house as soon as trouble brews.
48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.
49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Respect to a girl-child
As Salamu Alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu
Here's an extract from an article by NIKHAT MOHAMMAD RASHID SHAIKH
In an era of post-modernism where gender equality is promoted in every sphere of life the plight of the girl child remains similar to that which had been prevalent in non-civilised communities. Today female foeticide is a major problem while the right to life is the most fundamental of human rights. Pre-Islamic Arabian society had a common practice of female infanticide.
The solution given to such an acute problem in the Arabian society was by according respect to the girl child. Her status was elevated.
There are numerous Hadiths (sayings of Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him) which describe that several companions before embracing Islam had themselves indulged into this crime. The Holy Qur’ân has warned of a grave consequence in the hereafter when the girl-child who was buried alive will be given a chance to speak for herself. It has also shown a tendency of abhorrence at the mere feeling of sadness at the birth of a female child though the custom of female infanticide had acquired social acceptance in certain Arabian society. The Holy Qur’ân condemned it like any other murder. It says in Surah al-Takweer (81:8-9): ‘When the female (infant) buried alive is questioned for what crime she was killed?’
Further the Holy Qur’ân criticises in a more severe tone the parents who reject the girl child.
It says in Surah al-Nahl, 16:58-59:
‘When news is brought to one of them of (the birth of) a female (child), his face darkens, and he is filled with inward grief. With shame dies he hide himself from his people because of the bad news he has had! Shall he retain it on (sufferance and) contempt, or bury it in the dust? Ah! What an evil (choice) they decide on?’
The importance of ‘values’ in influencing human behaviour and actions is universally acknowledged. Islam worked out such ‘values’ with respect to girl child as could motivate a believer to respect and honour girl child. For instance, the Prophet once said: ‘Girls are models of affection and sympathy and a blessing to the family. If a person has a daughter, God will screen him from the fire of the hell owing to his daughter; if he has two daughters, God will admit him to Paradise; if he has three, God will exempt him from the obligations of charity and jihad.’ Such sayings are numerous and practically give all the due rights to a girl child. At places the Prophet (peace be upon him) instructed companions: ‘Do not hate girls, they are comforter and much precious.’ The Prophet’s example of his kind and loving treatment with his own daughters remains a model for Muslim fathers. His love and care for the girl child could be seen with his behaviour towards Umamah, his daughter Zainab’s daughter. It is reported: ‘The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) used to perform the prayer while carrying Umamah. When he stood up, he took her up and when he prostrated he put her down.’ Moreover, his treatment of other children was also of love, concern and care. It is reported that once he was sleeping covering his face in the house of Aishah. It was the day of Eid and young girls were singing. Abu Bakr came into the house and told the girls to stop. Muhammad (peace be upon him) said: ‘Let them sing, it is the day of Eid for them.’ His loving gesture towards the girl child could be traced from the incidence when he was entering the town of Madinah, after emigrating from Makkah. Some girls of the Ansar were singing with joy in front of their houses. When he passed by, he said: ‘O girls! You love me.’ All said: ‘Yes, O God’s Messenger.’ Then he said: ‘I love you also.’ So also is the incidence with one of the companions, Khalid bin Saeed. One day he came to him with his little daughter, Hasna, who was wearing a red dress. The Prophet said, ‘Sana!’ She was born in Abyssinia and in their language, Hasna was called Sana, and he called her Sana in that context. He had a seal of Prophethood at his back and it looked like a lump. She began to play with it so Khalid told her off but Muhammad (peace be upon him) stopped him and let her play.
Islam raised the status of the girl child by providing her with the right to life and further, the right to education, care and support on equal footings with boys. Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) has equated the good treatment with the girl child with safety from Hell. He said: ‘If a daughter is born to a person and he brings her up, gives her a good education and trains her in the arts of life, I shall myself stand between him and hellfire.’ And that, ‘whosoever supports two daughters till they mature, he and I will come in the day of judgement as this. (he pointed with his two fingers).’
The Prophet’s counsel to his followers and his own model of behaviour towards the girl child carry its relevance today. Values such as these promoted by the Holy Qur’ân and Sunnah will help solve the problems faced by the girl child. In today’s society of materialistic, capitalistic, hedonistic mindset, it is only through such values that a revolution can be brought and the girl child can receive her fair share of dignity, respect and rights.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Being with your mother
After 21 years of marriage, my wife wanted me to take another woman out to dinner and a movie.
She said, “I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would Love to spend some time with you.”
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my Mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
“What’s wrong, are you well?” she asked.
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
“I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,” I responded. “Just the two of us.”
She thought about it for a moment and then said, “I would like that very much.”
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up, I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s.
“I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son and they were impressed,”
she said, as she got into the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.”
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half-way through the entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mother sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.
“It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,” she said.
“Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,” I responded.
During the dinner , we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.”
I agreed.
“How was your dinner date?” asked my wife when I got home.
“Very nice, much more so than I could have imagined,” I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her.
Sometime later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place Mother and I had dined.
An attached note said:
“I paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.”
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: ‘I love YOU’ and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.
Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till some “other” time.
She said, “I love you, but I know this other woman loves you and would Love to spend some time with you.”
The other woman that my wife wanted me to visit was my Mother, who has been a widow for 19 years, but the demands of my work and my three children had made it possible to visit her only occasionally.
That night I called to invite her to go out for dinner and a movie.
“What’s wrong, are you well?” she asked.
My mother is the type of woman who suspects that a late night call or a surprise invitation is a sign of bad news.
“I thought that it would be pleasant to spend some time with you,” I responded. “Just the two of us.”
She thought about it for a moment and then said, “I would like that very much.”
That Friday after work, as I drove over to pick her up, I was a bit nervous. When I arrived at her house, I noticed that she, too, seemed to be nervous about our date. She waited in the door with her coat on. She had curled her hair and was wearing the dress that she had worn to celebrate her last wedding anniversary. She smiled from a face that was as radiant as an angel’s.
“I told my friends that I was going to go out with my son and they were impressed,”
she said, as she got into the car. “They can’t wait to hear about our meeting.”
We went to a restaurant that, although not elegant, was very nice and cozy. My mother took my arm as if she were the First Lady.
After we sat down, I had to read the menu. Her eyes could only read large print. Half-way through the entrees, I lifted my eyes and saw Mother sitting there staring at me. A nostalgic smile was on her lips.
“It was I who used to have to read the menu when you were small,” she said.
“Then it’s time that you relax and let me return the favor,” I responded.
During the dinner , we had an agreeable conversation nothing extraordinary but catching up on recent events of each other’s life. We talked so much that we missed the movie.
As we arrived at her house later, she said, “I’ll go out with you again, but only if you let me invite you.”
I agreed.
“How was your dinner date?” asked my wife when I got home.
“Very nice, much more so than I could have imagined,” I answered.
A few days later, my mother died of a massive heart attack. It happened so suddenly that I didn’t have a chance to do anything for her.
Sometime later, I received an envelope with a copy of a restaurant receipt from the same place Mother and I had dined.
An attached note said:
“I paid this bill in advance. I wasn’t sure that I could be there; but, nevertheless, I paid for two plates – one for you and the other for your wife. You will never know what that night meant for me. I love you, son.”
At that moment, I understood the importance of saying in time: ‘I love YOU’ and to give our loved ones the time that they deserve.
Nothing in life is more important than your family. Give them the time they deserve, because these things cannot be put off till some “other” time.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
Balancing between wife and sisters
Question:-
My sisters do not like my wife and are always causing problems. Please advise me: should I cut off ties with my sisters or with my wife?.
Believers, men & women, are protector of one another. (9:71)
Answer:-
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has enjoined upholding of family ties and kind treatment of one's wife. We will never tell you to sever your ties with your sisters or with your wife. Rather we tell you: bring them together and do not make the division worse.
Love comes from Allaah. He has created causes of love and causes of hate. So you have to look at your relationships and seek out the causes of hate and enmity so that you can remove them. And you should try to bring in the causes of love so as to encourage it. These causes include: greeting with salaam, giving gifts, visiting people when they are sick, helping at times of need, and many other things which Islam tells us strengthen bonds and generate love among people.
In order to calm both sides down, you also have to remind each of them of Allaah and His warning against gossiping, insulting, slandering and interfering in people’s private affairs.
Adhering to the limits set by Allaah and giving each party their rights, and respecting the rights of the other party and not belittling them or annoying them, will also guarantee happiness and peace in the house and in your relationships.
You have to advise your wife and your siblings to treat one another well, and try to remove the problems and disputes that exist between them. If your wife and siblings are living in the same house, there is nothing wrong with you giving your wife her own accommodation, if you cannot reconcile between them. Indeed, this may be a means of removing the disputes between them.
Our advice to your wife is that she should be friendly towards her husband’s family and treat them kindly as much as she can, without doing anything that is forbidden according to sharee’ah. Respecting her husband’s family will make the relationship between her and her husband remain as good as it can be.
May Allaah help you all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. May He guide you to the best of words and deeds and attitudes.
And Allaah knows best.
My sisters do not like my wife and are always causing problems. Please advise me: should I cut off ties with my sisters or with my wife?.
Believers, men & women, are protector of one another. (9:71)
Answer:-
Praise be to Allaah.
Allaah has enjoined upholding of family ties and kind treatment of one's wife. We will never tell you to sever your ties with your sisters or with your wife. Rather we tell you: bring them together and do not make the division worse.
Love comes from Allaah. He has created causes of love and causes of hate. So you have to look at your relationships and seek out the causes of hate and enmity so that you can remove them. And you should try to bring in the causes of love so as to encourage it. These causes include: greeting with salaam, giving gifts, visiting people when they are sick, helping at times of need, and many other things which Islam tells us strengthen bonds and generate love among people.
In order to calm both sides down, you also have to remind each of them of Allaah and His warning against gossiping, insulting, slandering and interfering in people’s private affairs.
Adhering to the limits set by Allaah and giving each party their rights, and respecting the rights of the other party and not belittling them or annoying them, will also guarantee happiness and peace in the house and in your relationships.
You have to advise your wife and your siblings to treat one another well, and try to remove the problems and disputes that exist between them. If your wife and siblings are living in the same house, there is nothing wrong with you giving your wife her own accommodation, if you cannot reconcile between them. Indeed, this may be a means of removing the disputes between them.
Our advice to your wife is that she should be friendly towards her husband’s family and treat them kindly as much as she can, without doing anything that is forbidden according to sharee’ah. Respecting her husband’s family will make the relationship between her and her husband remain as good as it can be.
May Allaah help you all to do that which He loves and which pleases Him. May He guide you to the best of words and deeds and attitudes.
And Allaah knows best.
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